Bards and Barrels
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Bards and Barrels
S4 Ep. 6: A Very Merry Bards and Barrels Christmas!
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We're back! And to day we have our Christmas celebration - beer, Christmas music, D&D chaos and more! What more could you ask for? Merry Christmas and a Happy Holidays to everyone out there!
CONTENT WARNING: This episode does contain a fair bit of adult language. You have been warned. :)
Merry Christmas, Brennan. Merry Christmas, Damon. Merry Christmas, Mother.
SPEAKER_08Ross, we're live.
SPEAKER_05That was a really strong crack. That's a Merry Christmas crack if I ever heard. Merry Christmas. Well done.
SPEAKER_01Well done. Strong crack.
SPEAKER_05Welcome.
SPEAKER_01That's what proctologists write like on their notes. Patient has a strong crack. This episode is sponsored by Proctologist. Oh where do you think the closest proctologist is?
SPEAKER_05I don't know. I mean, I haven't I haven't needed needed the services of one, but that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_04I don't know.
SPEAKER_05Down a dark alley somewhere. And on that note, welcome to the Christmas episode of Bards and Barrels. How's everybody doing this evening? We don't know how many bells this year. I just realized that. I'm like, I don't have bells. You gotta turn on your lights. Oh, they don't turn on. I ran them.
SPEAKER_03Oh, he's got a light up necklace thing. Christmas bulb lights. But they're not on. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01That was unfortunate. Well, you've done more than I did.
SPEAKER_05Fair.
SPEAKER_01So that's not saying much.
SPEAKER_05You look fine. You're wearing your hat. You look great.
SPEAKER_01I'm just saying a fest. Oh, a festival.
SPEAKER_05Well, I think Phil wins the fest. Oh, yeah. He definitely wins. Oh, for sure. He had the hat, the ugly sweater.
SPEAKER_08I had to pick out the lightest one since it was so warm here today. So I'm like, I'm gonna wear a sweater. Like I'm committed, but this one's a little lighter than most of my other ones.
SPEAKER_05And I could you not. We had a meeting earlier. He was wearing this already then. It's not like he was a little bit of a library board meeting today.
SPEAKER_08Received several compliments.
SPEAKER_01Well, sure.
SPEAKER_08It looks great. It's a duck hunt.
SPEAKER_01Because people with good tastes serve on library boards. On the other end of this, we might have to post a picture of this thing.
SPEAKER_05It's pretty fantastic. We'll take a group picture. We always do. So tonight uh we're gonna lead things off. Uh we're gonna talk about the beer that we're drinking. We picked out uh a beer from uh a local company, Thunderhead Brewing. We're drinking Tiny Tim tonight, but we'll come back and talk about that here in just a second. Uh other things we're doing tonight, uh Damon has uh brought some songs with him that Brett, Phil, and I are going to place on an alignment chart that we'll share with everybody. If we can we're gonna do our own, but if we can kind of agree on where they should go, maybe we'll post that. Uh some of you folks out there in Threads Land have told us some holiday story/slash movie characters that you think would make uh really good big, bad, evil guys. So we'll talk about that and give some shout-outs later. And then uh I'm also going to introduce a little Christmas chaos today. And I have a chart we're gonna spin. And actually, you know what? We're gonna do one right now. Oh god. Let's do it. So I'm gonna spin. It's gonna land on uh one of our names or an all. And then I have a Christmas chaos chart that I will have the person do something off of, and they'll they'll get a minute to figure things out. So we're gonna go ahead, we're gonna spin. Here we go. See who the lucky, maybe unwilling participant is going to be.
SPEAKER_03Why do we let Ross have all the power?
SPEAKER_08So here's the deal. I feel like on the website behind Ross's name, we now need to put Santa's little helper after his name.
SPEAKER_05That's fair. Now, now, in all fairness, go ahead and uh Damon Damon can roll the detour.
SPEAKER_08Throwing that error word out there a lot.
SPEAKER_05Now just let me finish. In all fairness, my name is on here too.
SPEAKER_08That's true, and I've used one of those spinners before. No that you can cheat the system.
SPEAKER_05I am not cheating the system. It's gonna be okay. I promise. Okay, Damon. Yeah. Yours is what'd you roll? He rolled an 18. Design an absurd Kevin McAllister trap. Design it? Yeah, like just tell us like if you if you were in Kevin McAllister's shoes in the house, like what would your trap be that you build? Okay. And you can have a minute. No, I'm fine. You're good? Oh, let's do it. Let's go.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02Love it.
SPEAKER_01We're in the laundry room. Okay. And I've uh rigged up the washing machine. Uh to I've I've done the classic sitcom thing where you if you just put too much detergent into the washing machine, sure, then it makes bubbles everywhere. All the bubbles. Right? House full of bubbles. Yes. So I've put in so much detergent that and I've set it to just run.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_01So that the laundry room has overflown. Overflown? Sure. No, that's not right. Thank you. That was nice.
SPEAKER_05It overflowed. Overflowed. Thank you. There's a lot. Overflown if it has overflow. I mean, if your washing machine had wings, it could overflow.
SPEAKER_01It was nice of you to try to go with it, but it was not. It was not right. Overflow in the coop. The laundry room is full of bubbles. Right? And also slippery soap residue. Okay. Which is the key part of this of this trap. Sure. Yep. So I I I lure the one of the wet bandits into the laundry room through creativity. And that's it. And a boo-boo. Yeah. And they they step in, and you know, first of all, they're blinded. They can't because they can't see. Right. They can't see anything, right? And then they get soap in their eyes, and that's irritating. Yep. And then they slip and fall on the floor. Yep. And trip into the dryer. Actually. It's a very large, it's an industrial dryer. This has to be Marv. Well, that's a very dark movie. That guy burns his hand pretty good. Yeah. And then his whole head catches on fire.
SPEAKER_02It's true.
SPEAKER_01And that guy steps on a nail.
SPEAKER_02That's also true.
SPEAKER_05With like tarry stuff. Yeah. Oh my god. Tetanus for sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01At any rate, he falls into the dryer. Okay. Which is set up to close automatically. And then he gets he gets derinkled.
SPEAKER_05Ah. So the wet bandit is no more. Yeah. I'm helping. He's now a dry bandit.
SPEAKER_03So I was gonna say suggestion for the next Home Alone movie, but then I was like, what number Home Alone movie would that be? Trivia. How many Home Alone movies are there? I think there's been three.
SPEAKER_05I think there's five. Five or six, right?
SPEAKER_03There are six. There are six.
SPEAKER_05Oh dang.
SPEAKER_03I mean, it gets weird. Like Kevin is not in all of them.
SPEAKER_08I quit watching after the third.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think I've only ever seen the three. Well, I don't think I've ever seen the third one.
SPEAKER_08Is the third one the kid with the RC car and the igloo in the very end? Yes. Okay, I've seen that one. That's a good one. I like that one. That's the last one I've seen. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Is it still Kevin in the third one? But played by it. Okay. No, it's like a character.
SPEAKER_08I think he goes by Kevin in that. No. The kid doesn't.
SPEAKER_03No, it's a different kid. Yeah. Alex. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Alex, yeah. I always remember the lady across the street, Mrs. Hess. And she he goes and he like scoops her drive. Is this the third one? Yes. And he goes and scoops her driveway at the beginning, and he's like waiting to be paid before he gives her before she gives him the RC car. And she's like, what do you want? A Wilkie button? I was like, for the longest time I didn't understand what that means. That's a historical thing. Because she's old. But I just always laughed at that. Like, what do you want? A Wilkie button?
SPEAKER_01Like Jess Wilkie?
SPEAKER_05No, I think I think like Wendell Wilkie like ran for president in the 40s and 50s. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Of course. So anyway, that was fun. Uh, we'll be doing more of those sidebars tonight.
SPEAKER_08Uh David is like totally prep for DD, though, because that's like fog cloud and Greece, and they're prone. Blinded, prone. Like, you nailed it. You're a pro and you don't even know it. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01I like the story parts of DD. It's perfect. I don't like trying to figure out how much money I have in my pocket.
SPEAKER_05Boy, if you were focusing on that, you were in the minority. We do not focus on that. Brett, Brett. What is gold?
SPEAKER_03You need to watch our episode, listen to our episode on food and encumbrance. No.
SPEAKER_05I was like, Brett handles all the finances in our DD campaign. Oh, yeah, I'm the bank. It's true. He collects it all and keeps tracking. I have no idea.
SPEAKER_01Thank God for DD Beyond.
SPEAKER_05Exactly right.
SPEAKER_01Three different currencies, and they don't exchange at a rate that makes that's easy. Just like make every one of these is worth 10 of those. Okay, great. But they're like, this is worth seven of these and four of these. Ugh, it was annoying. I didn't care for that.
SPEAKER_05Boy, I don't remember having you focus on that quite that hard, but okay. Uh let's let's wheel back around. So our our beer that we're trying tonight uh from Thunderhead Brewing Company is Tiny Tim. Thunderhead is based out of Axtel, Nebraska. Uh go ahead, boys, take a little sip of that. Uh, I'll give a little detail on this. Tiny Tim is a 9.5% beer, 12 on the IBU, so it's pretty light for the most part in terms of body, mouthfeel. Uh how do you guys feel about the taste? What are you tasting? A lot.
SPEAKER_03Uh this is one potent beer, like flavor-wise. There's a lot going on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05It's it's a Christmas beer that I feel like actually lives up to the spice like that you expected.
SPEAKER_01A lot of clove.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Maybe some nutmeg. Ginger. Oh, maybe it's ginger.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, but I don't know. Now that you say that though, like I I do like nutmeg, clove, maybe a very small hint of cinnamon somewhere. Yeah, there's a little cinnamon. Um most of my pumpkin pie spices. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're 100% correct. But without the pumpkin. Yes. Thank goodness. But but it's funny because like we we've been partaking in a few beers. No, you guys partake in a few beers. Yeah, we've been partaking in a few beers. Uh well, we got all Christmas beers tonight. Uh, but Damon was having um, it was the the Christmas ale from Boulevard. I don't know if it's called no, the nutcracker.
SPEAKER_01Nutcracker, they describe it as a winter warmer.
SPEAKER_05Uh, but that one you said did like the spice didn't come through in it. That's what I'm getting at.
SPEAKER_01So it's like it's like, and I do feel like fairness to them, I don't know if it's supposed to. No, but this one saved up for it.
SPEAKER_05But but here's the thing. What what I what I'm getting at here though is like I feel like unless you're saying these are the flavors in this beer, like if you're saying it's a Christmas ale, like those are the these these are the flavors that that's in this tiny tim that I want coming through. It's like that warm spice kind of feel to me. So any other thoughts on flavors or anything?
SPEAKER_01Um this is not a thought on flavor, but I was surprised by the color of it. It's like it's a light, yes, sort of blonde, golden, not maybe not blonde, but more of a golden. Um I was expecting something brown or darker. I agree with that. Yes. Yeah, but it was good, it was good. So I was just I was surprised by that.
SPEAKER_08It's very clear too, like as we hold that glass up, right?
SPEAKER_01It's for having that that many spices and things in it, it's yeah, it's got a really nice clarity to it.
SPEAKER_05I think you make a good point because I think if there's one flavor that's missing from this, and it would be from having like a lighter body to it, would be like a molassesy flavor, which you would probably get from more kind of malt toasted malt. Sure.
SPEAKER_01And maybe they've done that in part to help make sure that the spices come through.
SPEAKER_05Sure, sure. That would make sense, yeah.
SPEAKER_01More than that sort of malt character, but yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh so tonight we're gonna we're gonna forego the uh coming up with a pub name because just because we have a lot in this episode, but we are gonna still rank this um and give it a yay and nay. So on our challenge scale, C R1 to CR20.
SPEAKER_03Oh, not our ch not our yay or nay. This is separate from that. This is just challenge rating, not yay or nay.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I was gonna say I was still gonna give it a yay or nay.
SPEAKER_03I know, but like the challenge rating is separate from the yay or nay.
SPEAKER_05Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just saying we're gonna do both. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because like a one or a 20 could also be a yay.
SPEAKER_05Sure, yes. So C R1 to CR20. CR1 would be like cre males, domestics, things like that, a CR20, Imperial Stouts, things toward the heavier end of that scale. I'm actually a little curious where this one's gonna end up because I feel like this could have a a range of things. So uh Damon, let's start with you. What do you what do you feel?
SPEAKER_01What do I feel? I feel so many things. How do you feel about this beer? On any given day, I feel joy, I feel sadness.
SPEAKER_06I feel kind of emotional.
SPEAKER_01What is this? I feel hesitancy, I feel uncertainty, I feel let me take another sip and then I'll tell you.
SPEAKER_05I feel like I need another sip. I forgot what I was going for.
SPEAKER_01Chal okay now, challenge.
SPEAKER_05How difficult is it for someone for like a baby beer drinker for approachability.
SPEAKER_01An idiot baby beer drinker. That's offensive. This beer.
SPEAKER_08Uh I don't um introduction to craft beer drinker.
SPEAKER_05I it's that's a nice way of saying it. Yes.
SPEAKER_01This I'm struggling with with this one maybe the most of any of these that I've struggled with, in part because these are not beer flavors. Yes. I like I don't think that these are flavors that people generally associate with beer. And at the same time, these are flavors that people are I think are generally really familiar with, right? These are your holiday spice flavors that starting in September get put into everything. This is one to twenty. One to twenty. Oh, I would say I'm gonna give it a taste of 14.
SPEAKER_05Okay, Phil?
SPEAKER_08I don't know, I'm kind of wrestling with this one a little bit too because you can taste the spices, but I don't overly taste the beer. I mean, you can taste that it is a beer, but if I sat down like a course light next to a tiny Tim and had two people drink it.
SPEAKER_03And they're almost like similar in color.
SPEAKER_08Like it would not be. I think they would be like a whoa, right? Like just an it's just an unexpected, I feel like it. It's not necessarily that it's challenging, but it would be very unexpected.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, I would agree with that. Um, but does that make it challenging?
SPEAKER_08I'm thinking like 13, 1213, so really similar to Damon, I probably put a 13.
SPEAKER_01No, I don't think it's that challenging, but I think it would be Yeah, I think the struggle, like the struggle for me, I could see in some ways that really helping some people.
SPEAKER_08Some, but in others, I could see it doing the exact thing. Yeah, I'm saying, like, no, I'm not at all interested in it. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, 13. Sorry, long answer.
SPEAKER_03I'm going straight up 20. Oh, wow. That's the highest. That's the most it's it's the most challenging because of the spices? Yeah. Okay. They're just like, Yeah, hello, I am here. Buckle up, buttercup. And they they linger as well. Yeah, and like that's a good thing. That's what they want it to do in this beer, and that's like it fits. Yeah, but man, if you're just coming in and trying to learn how to drink a beer, oh boy.
SPEAKER_01It's definitely not a like a fast drinking beer.
SPEAKER_03No, and I would say, what was it, nine something percent? Yeah, nine point five. There's a little bit of that alcohol-iness starting to seep in, just a titch. It's masked by all those flavors, but it is there a little bit, and I think that could scare off a few people. Sure.
SPEAKER_01I think if people knew the if the people knew that number before they before they tried it, it would scare them. Yeah more. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's very true.
SPEAKER_05I think I think for my number, it comes down to does the person know what they're asking for? That's like if they know they're asking for a Christmas beer and this is gonna have Christmas spices, like I 100% agree with you, Phil, because like if you're not expecting those spice flavors, like even the ginger and the clove like come through more than it does like in a pie. Like it's punch you in the face, spice. But if you if you know that's what's gonna be there, and even if you're not a beer drinker, like because it it doesn't have a hops tops to it, there's there's no real like uh it's it's a 12 on the IBUs, but it's there's no it's not there. Yeah, that's what it says. It's like nothing. Um and I think because of that, it's like and there's no like because they went with a lighter malt, apparently, and and not the darker malt, it's not a dark beer. Yeah, there's no roasted, it's not overly sweet. I'm gonna give it a 12, assuming that the person knows they're asking for a spiced Christmas beer. If if they did not know that, if it just said holiday ale, then I would probably then it's a hundred percent a 20 because like that's it.
SPEAKER_03And I respect all of those, all of those numbers too. Like 20 is aggressive, but I think this beer is aggressive.
SPEAKER_05I I I think uh this is the first time where I'm like every single one of these numbers is accurate because it all comes down to the person that's ordering it. If like, like I said, if it's like if that's what they're expecting is the spices, they're gonna be okay. It's not really a beer-y type thing.
SPEAKER_01Was it always my number that you thought was inaccurate in the past?
SPEAKER_05No, I've never no, I've never said that your number was yes. No, no, no. Uh okay, time for a yay or nay. We'll go around the table. This is if uh somebody gives you one of these again, because there's actually another one of these in the cooler that you can have. Oh. Uh, because I got I got eight of them, so everybody could have two.
SPEAKER_08So uh episode's about to get lit.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, buddy. Uh I'll go first and we'll just work our way backwards. I'm gonna say yes. I actually really do like this beer. Um, the spice does feel to be a little much, but I think as long as it's it's cold, I I don't have a problem with it at all.
SPEAKER_03I would totally Phil is over there getting one. So I think that's a yay for Phil.
SPEAKER_05Can you can you grab me one too?
SPEAKER_03Right. Uh yes, yes. 100% yes. It's it is not something you're gonna drink outside of the Christmas season. I will bet they don't sell much of it on December 26th. But hand me another one. You get yes.
SPEAKER_05Hey! It's it's like a 90-degree day in July. This sounds awful, but right now this is hitting the spot.
SPEAKER_03The colder it is outside, the better. Oh yeah, they're very full. Also, watch out, they're very full on the campus. 60-degree day in December.
SPEAKER_05Well, today that happened to be the case, but most times that is not the case. Although, who knows moving forward because of global warming. Anyway, Phil.
SPEAKER_01I believe you mean global whamming.
SPEAKER_05That would be a yay.
SPEAKER_03And damage there.
SPEAKER_08They're also very full.
SPEAKER_01I I am more unsure than you guys. Okay. Have I have I had one already? Or is this the first one that I'm being offered?
SPEAKER_05Uh I don't know. We've got the first one you're being offered. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_08And if someone set it down in front of you, would you drink it?
SPEAKER_05That that would be clarifying.
SPEAKER_01Not if you've already had one. And do I also have like munchies? I want I want ham and potatoes. Oh. Actually, is what I would like to eat with this.
SPEAKER_03And a solid like two-hour nap.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I want ham and potatoes or pot roast or something to go with. I wouldn't necessarily I don't I feel as though I need to have my palate cleansed. Sure. More so like in between drinks on this beer than on other beers. Cause that's because that spice does hang around.
SPEAKER_05It is. You are correct.
SPEAKER_01And I don't know how much I really enjoy that like holiday spice. Like I just ate potpourri. Could eventually even be like tongue-numbing to a certain point. Yeah. Sure than that. Uh so I guess with caveats. Maybe. If I had uh like a big like plate of pot roast and mashed potatoes in front of me, then yeah, sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Hey, I find it funny because like when you said ham, I was like, that would like that's like the right flavor glow. Yeah, I think ham would go really well with really, really well. Okay, so you're yay with caveats.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, with Yay with ham. Yeah, yay with ham.
SPEAKER_05Ham and yams. Boy, that's a that's a post if I ever heard of it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just don't know that I would want to just like Can we put that in the untapped comments?
SPEAKER_05Yay with ham.
SPEAKER_01Sit around and like chat and play games and drink one or two. Sure, yeah.
SPEAKER_05No, I I agree with that.
SPEAKER_01It's it's not as though it would be better with for
SPEAKER_05For lack of a better, it's not a crusher, for lack of a better term. It's not one that I would pull out of a cooler and just want to go while I'm in something.
SPEAKER_01Because I wouldn't because of all that spice, I like I wouldn't describe it as smooth. Sure. Really?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, not because of the beer at all.
SPEAKER_05Alright, so this has been uh so the the beer we're drinking tonight, uh this has been Tiny Tim by Thunderhead Brewing. You can find more about Thunderhead Brewing's beers at www.thunderheadbrewing.com. And now it's time to spin the wheel once more. Oh god. And Damon, Damon, I am gonna give you a reprieve that if you happen to get selected again, you're not gonna go again. I've been preeved again. Oh shit, it's gonna be me. Oh nope, it's gonna be Brett. You forgot the beep button for a little oopsie there.
SPEAKER_03It's okay. I've only had one of the tiny Tims. So all right, Brett, go ahead. Good luck to you guys later.
SPEAKER_04And roll your D20. Okay.
SPEAKER_01What does prev mean? Preeved means something.
SPEAKER_05What did I say? Like a reprieve. Reprieve, yeah. So what does preve mean? Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I don't know.
SPEAKER_01That's I would assume that it means. I don't know. Okay. At any rate. Is it a review?
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_05I've done.
SPEAKER_01Maybe not. I don't know. I was just trying to fill the three.
SPEAKER_05This one should be fun. So number six is the wrapping paper. I thought he said it was a nine. Is it a nine or a six?
SPEAKER_01It's a nine.
SPEAKER_08Which side's the dot on, Ross.
SPEAKER_05I thought that meant it was a six.
SPEAKER_01It's at the bottom? The dots usually at the bottom.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, dots at the bottom.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Man, how many times have you got F on your rose?
SPEAKER_05Woo! Shh, it's fine. Oh man. Alright, fine. Uh this this one is the casting room Christmas edition. Uh, in your favorite Christmas movie, please recast the main actor into an actor of your choice and tell us why.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so first we need to know your favorite Christmas movie.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, so what is your favorite Christmas movie?
SPEAKER_03Um, not Polar Express.
SPEAKER_04Agreed. Let's let that.
SPEAKER_03Shout out to the last two years in a row.
SPEAKER_05Two years are literally not on that train.
SPEAKER_01Never get on that train. I think we That is the stupidest, craziest.
SPEAKER_09We talked about my favorite last year. We did, but what was it? Do you remember? See if you're consistent.
SPEAKER_03I think it was Rudolph, like the claymation one.
SPEAKER_07I feel like you're right.
SPEAKER_03Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_07Someone can go back and watch and talk about it.
SPEAKER_05How are we going to recast anybody in this movie? The only person I know that was in that movie was Burl Ives played the snowman.
SPEAKER_08Do you know any of the sculptors? You know who Burl Ives is, right?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_03What am I trying to do here? I'm trying to recast.
SPEAKER_05You're recasting somebody in your favorite Christmas movie. If you need to recast actual actors, please feel free. Oh. The claymation Rudolph might be a little tough.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know, who's the voice of Rudy?
SPEAKER_08Maybe your next favorite Christmas movie.
SPEAKER_01Like, who's the voice of Rudolph? Or you could do, like, you know, Disney's been really into these live action remakes. Oh, yeah. Who's your live action? We're gonna do a live action remake. Yes.
SPEAKER_03I like where Damon replaced Rudolph.
SPEAKER_05Oh man. So voice of Rudolph in this case. Who would you want to be the voice of Rudolph?
SPEAKER_03Uh, I'm not I'm not going there. I'm actually going um with a an upgrade for somebody who has desperately wanted to be Rudolph. Oh. Oh wow. Bambi. The little dog thing from Nightmare Before Christmas. Oh short. Zero. Zero. Upgrading to be the real Rudolph.
SPEAKER_05Oh. Okay. That's fair. Life cools. I like that.
SPEAKER_03Or Max from the Grinch. Oh. Ooh. That's a challenging one. I'm going to stick with Zero, but good alternative.
SPEAKER_05Okay. For this next segment, Damon, if you would like to pull out your list of songs. I'll pull it out. You're welcome. For the sake of commentary. Very long. Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_04Do we start?
SPEAKER_05Lord be with us. What is it like 12?
SPEAKER_04Minimum. Stop. Minimum.
SPEAKER_05Good Lord. Okay, so for this segment, Brett and Damon and I. I have the list.
SPEAKER_04It's my list. We're all looking at my list. Do we need to sound off whose voice is whose? You know? That's not the problem of being distracted.
SPEAKER_03Tiny Tim is getting to rocks.
SPEAKER_05Well, one and a half. It's fine. Okay, so Damon has a list of songs. He's going to present us songs, and Phil, Brett, and I are going to place this song on a alignment chart.
SPEAKER_08Alignment rubric.
SPEAKER_05So align a rubric, yes. You're pinky up when you say that.
SPEAKER_04When in doubt.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we do need a standardized rubric.
SPEAKER_05For for the sake of copyright infringement and not doing that, because we like doing what we do, uh, Damon will be allowed to hum a few bars or sing the song to us if we don't know the song. Uh, but we're gonna place this on our chart. If we do get a song that we really don't know or we don't know how to place it, if the three of us, Phil, Brett, and myself, uh, agree, we can skip to a different song. So that's really the only outside rule. So we're gonna place these songs on our chart at the end. We'll compare notes to see where we put the songs. Maybe see if Damon agrees with us at all and where he where we Oh, I don't have any idea. Oh that's why you're gonna be able to do it. You you yeah, at the end, you can tell us if you agree with us, I guess. Sure. Uh and we'll go for that.
SPEAKER_01I disagree. Oh no, I'm waiting till the end. Sorry. Slightly. Now I have I have more than 12 songs. Yes. I have tried to uh pick uh these are all secular songs. I thought that was a little bit safer territory for starters. Okay. And I've tried to get a diversity in terms of style and subject matter. There's only about eight billion Christmas songs. Did you phone a friend for this one? I did consult an expert. Ah, okay. Uh on a composer. A song expert. As you should. Um, and and she did offer some some helpful information. So I've tried to get some some classics. I've tried also to get some more obscure offbeat selections. Oh god. As Damon's gotten too much power. As well. Uh I don't know.
SPEAKER_00I he's overtime.
SPEAKER_01Maybe you'll surprise me, maybe you'll know the more obscure ones. Uh well, um, I don't know. But at any rate. So I th uh we'll start with maybe just an all-time classic.
SPEAKER_05I changed, I changed the theme.
SPEAKER_01We've changed. Okay, now you're distracting yourself. Sorry. It's like it's not anybody's fault.
SPEAKER_03Ross is throwing a disco over there.
SPEAKER_08Who wants to be a millionaire when it goes? Oh, yeah. That's what's happening right now.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01Ross added uh LED light strips, so watch out. So we're gonna start with Christmas. This is the title of the song. Okay. Christmas, parenthetically, baby please come home. And I'm specifically thinking of the Darlene Love version. Uh, if you if any Letterman fans in the room, Darlene Love would come on David Letterman every year and sing Christmas, baby please come. Snow's coming down, Christmas. I'm watching it fall. Christmas. Baby, please come home. Christmas.
SPEAKER_03Da da da da da. Was this after Letterman tasted the pies?
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah, because he usually did that at Thanksgiving.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_01His mom would make pies. Yeah. So what was the name of the song? And she'd make him guess what pie it was.
SPEAKER_04What was the name of the song? Is it the mincemeat pie, Mom? No, it's Apple.
SPEAKER_01I'm sorry, what, Ross? What was the name of the song? Sorry. It's called Christmas. Christmas. And then parenthetically, baby, please come home. Okay. And I don't know if we need to if you need to look up lyrics or anything along those lines.
SPEAKER_08I appreciate the you associated the artist. Because some of them it makes a difference.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And with the ones that I thought that it really made a difference, then I did.
SPEAKER_05Some of them I don't having grown up watching David Letterman. I'm not sure if I would have got that unless you said that. I knew what you were saying. The song? Yeah. But like now that when you sing it, yeah, I was like, okay, I get it.
SPEAKER_03Um I'm thinking it's on the Oh, don't tell us.
SPEAKER_05Don't share. Oh, we're not sharing? Oh no, at the end. You place it where you want it. Oh god.
SPEAKER_03Oh man.
SPEAKER_08I need a folder.
SPEAKER_03So much pressure. Under pressure.
SPEAKER_04There it is.
SPEAKER_03Set up Ross so easy. Just say one lyric and he just goes.
SPEAKER_05This is true. I'm not even gonna argue with that. You're a hundred percent correct.
SPEAKER_08I don't see that it's a problem. So thank you.
SPEAKER_06Thank you, Phil.
SPEAKER_08That's because apparently we have very similar music tastes. I didn't know it. I know. I didn't know that until we did that episode. Bottom of the barrel. We learned this.
SPEAKER_06Yes, oh my god.
SPEAKER_05So if you go back and listen to some episodes of uh the opening crack, and we've been doing the bottom of the barrel this year, where we've talked, we pull uh a topic out of a barrel and we talk about things. Music. Brett wasn't thrilled about the music topic, but uh Brett hates music.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we're still in music again.
SPEAKER_09You guys well, my bad.
SPEAKER_03Sorry, sorry. So this is um a little behind the scenes. This is really hard because once you use a spot, it's taken.
SPEAKER_05Correct. Which is why if one comes up that you feel like now does each person get a pass?
SPEAKER_01Or do you have to collectively agree? We have to agree. Collectively have to Okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_06Alright, I think go ahead and do the next song.
SPEAKER_01The next song. We'll go with uh a classic Christmas song. We'll go with White Christmas. Dreaming of a white Christmas. Just like the ones I used to know. Classic Bing Crosby.
SPEAKER_03Where the tree glisten. That is not available for streaming right now. Really?
SPEAKER_00Really? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03We looked it up. His version? The the movie. Oh, the movie.
SPEAKER_05The white Christmas movie Danny Kay. Does it still play at the superscreen? Yes. I used to play that at the superscreen every year. Yeah, they're doing a museum showing on the former IMAX now leads super screen theater, yes.
SPEAKER_01And I've always wanted to see it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01White Christmas.
SPEAKER_05Well, I feel like I have where I want that one. You guys good?
SPEAKER_01I'm good, but I'm not feeling good about my chart. Okay, I'll try to keep it. Uh I'll try to keep things a little uh. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_07You gotta jump all over because I'm saying try to kind of jump.
SPEAKER_01Don't tell me. That'll give me ideas. Uh let's go with uh boy, I don't know. Let's go with up on the rooftop. Up on the rooftop, click, click, click, down through the chimney, old Saint Nick. Down through the chimney, old Saint Nick. That's probably true.
SPEAKER_08My kids have started letting me sing them Christmas carols before bed. Oh, nice. I've been stuck on Silent Night, though. I can't get them off Silent Night. I tried Away in the Manger tonight, and Carlin's like, no, Dad, Silent Night. That ain't it. Alright, fine. That ain't it, Dad. But really, it's after I sang all of Away in the Manger, and then he's like, no, Dad, Silent Night. Okay, I see what's happening here. Alright.
SPEAKER_05Smart boy. Smart boy.
SPEAKER_01Alright, I'm good. Okay, we're one, two, three, in. Alright. I don't like how confident you guys are.
SPEAKER_03You know what? We like music. I just like. Yeah, but I'm like, I'm more worried about my chart here, like the open spots remaining.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you know, we're just gonna have to fit things in those buckets. Oh man. That's just I don't feel confident at all, but here we go. Okay.
SPEAKER_08I feel confident about the ones I wrote down. And we'll just see what happens if there's the others that are scaring me.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Alright, I don't think that we can avoid this song. Chaotic evil. Oh shit, right? On a Christmas song list. I I tried to, I wanted to.
SPEAKER_08This one has an artist, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_01And I feel as though there's only there's only one artist. It's number five right now. For it. Number five on the top charts. All I want for Christmas is you. I I wanted to avoid it, but I don't.
SPEAKER_07That's a freebie, thank you.
SPEAKER_01I don't think that any list would be valid without it. I think you would get just a stream of constant complaints and comments from your dedicated listeners.
SPEAKER_05The last thing I want is comments.
SPEAKER_01If this wasn't a part of it.
SPEAKER_09You're right.
SPEAKER_05Alright, that's fair.
SPEAKER_01I don't know how many subscribers you'd have, but you'd lose them all.
SPEAKER_05If it wasn't there.
SPEAKER_01I think so, yes.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_08I want to know how many of them agree with our placement.
SPEAKER_01I don't think I agree with my placement.
SPEAKER_05I don't agree with my placement.
SPEAKER_01Okay, now on this one, I do. I'm gonna give you a choice. Okay. Because I I feel that these are really pretty similar in terms of vibe. Okay. And so collectively you'll have to choose which one of these you're gonna place. Oh shit. Voting. Oh, beep. Or roll. Your choices are. How many how far into this are we? We got four out of nine. Four out of nine. Oh, there's only nine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's shit. So giving its choice is perfect. Yeah. Rocking around the Christmas tree or jingle bell rock. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. There's one. Rocking around the Christmas tree. It's a Christmas party time. Or whatever the words are.
SPEAKER_05I lean toward rocking around the Christmas tree.
SPEAKER_09Everyone merrily. I lean the other way, but I would do either.
SPEAKER_05You can't go either way then. Oh fuck.
SPEAKER_01We really should have that beep button. We apparently should.
SPEAKER_05Just for special.
SPEAKER_04We're live, Brett. Live in quotation marks, of course. Jingle bell rock. Yes. Jingle bell rock. Solid choice.
SPEAKER_01Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Thanks, brother. My grandma used to play that on the piano during Christmas time. She would just like sit down randomly at a piano and just like chord out jingle bell rock. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun. Okay. I'm assuming you've placed that over halfway there, Dave. Okay, now we're over. Okay, now I need to.
SPEAKER_03It just gets more stressful.
SPEAKER_01I need to focus. Yeah, I'm screwed at this point. I just committed. Remember, you can pass on a song.
SPEAKER_00Yes. That's very true. Alright. Don't forget.
SPEAKER_01Phil's is very different than mine.
SPEAKER_09On a song. I've realized I made mistakes, but it's too late to take it back now.
SPEAKER_01Well, maybe at the end you could readjust.
SPEAKER_07I might be crossing one off and moving it here in a bit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that'd be fine. Nobody will know.
SPEAKER_04I'm no.
SPEAKER_01Now, this next song stay in with it. Uh is one of my all-time favorite songs. Christmas songs.
SPEAKER_02Uh-oh.
SPEAKER_01It comes to us from the Colbear Christmas special. Oh. Ooh. What is it? It's Cold Cold Christmas. Now, cold, cold Christmas for those.
SPEAKER_09I was like, I'm he just did what this year called Ugly Sweater, if you listen to it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, well, okay. I haven't heard that.
SPEAKER_09That's pretty good too. Sorry. This is the cold.
SPEAKER_01So this is back when Colbert was hosting the Colbert rapport. In character. Yes. Cold, cold Christmas. For those who may not know the story of cold, cold Christmas, it is about a gentleman who wishes for a cold, cold Christmas for his former lover who is now in the warm embrace of someone else. And he wishes for a cold, cold Christmas.
SPEAKER_08Beautiful. Beautiful.
SPEAKER_01For them.
SPEAKER_08I had the wrong artist. It's Fallon that did Christmas sweater. That's why. Or ugly sweater.
SPEAKER_01I want a cold, cold Christmas. Full disclosure, I'm not sure. One that's bitter.
SPEAKER_05I thought about voting to skip this one. But once you told the story, I felt like I had a place for it. Agreed. So I thought that that story mattered. It'll do. And Brett, how are you feeling?
SPEAKER_04It'll do. The story mattered.
SPEAKER_01I thought that that might be helpful.
SPEAKER_05That was good. I like that.
SPEAKER_01For you.
SPEAKER_05Now I feel less confident.
SPEAKER_01Six in. Now three Lamar. Another one of my all-time favorite Christmas songs. Oh, excellent. Okay. That we may we may have to pause and listen to this song. Okay. No deep cut.
SPEAKER_07Means we're not going to know it.
SPEAKER_01I you ready? I get the button. I I love this song.
SPEAKER_07I thought you were going to go with I hit the button. That's where I thought we were going, but I'm like. Ever heard of that version?
SPEAKER_01No, that's a beer name. The song is Toy Jackpot. And it is by Professor Break Speed.
SPEAKER_07I don't know either any of those things.
SPEAKER_03You're saying words, but I don't think you knew what they mean. I had assumed what happened. So we're going to take a quick pause and listen to that song. So if you don't know that song either, you can pause right here and come back to it.
SPEAKER_05Alright. So now that we've taken a listen to that, and you maybe caught a couple bars there.
SPEAKER_03If you haven't listened to it, please. It's great. Go hear it.
SPEAKER_01So surprisingly Professor Breakspeed needs your streams.
SPEAKER_05I'm sure he does. Surprisingly, I had a place for that. Same here. I feel pretty decent. Uh I don't feel so good about my last two spots, depending on what the song is. That's what I really wanted was him to do to do the rapping for this.
SPEAKER_08It's great. Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_05Alright. It is time for a little chaos.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that'll give me time to think about my next selection.
SPEAKER_04With great power. Yeah, you're as bad as Ross. The wheel is rolling.
SPEAKER_03We're getting screwed on this deal. Phil, you are up. Oh, shocker.
SPEAKER_08Phil brought his own dice because he doesn't trust Ross. Stop. Weiser's never mind. Well, I was gonna say Weiser's bigger, but I decided to uh nine has already been rolled. Okay. Because it was a nine that Brett rolled.
SPEAKER_05Please re-roll.
SPEAKER_08Nat 20, baby.
SPEAKER_05Oh Nat 20!
SPEAKER_08Shout out to Nighthawk Dice because it has their beautiful logo on the 20 side.
SPEAKER_05Okay. This one is called Wrapping Paper Disaster. Uh Pretend that the studio fills up. Sorry, I lost my place on my being.
SPEAKER_08Yes, my name is Phil. Fill up.
SPEAKER_05Please pretend the studio fills up with wrapping paper.
SPEAKER_07Ding ding ding ding.
SPEAKER_05And you are an elf to fight the wrapping paper monster. Ooh. What kind of attacks do you use to fight the wrapping paper?
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's so good. I'm glad I've got a lot of things. Slashing question.
SPEAKER_04So so yes, I'm done. Easy. Next question.
SPEAKER_05But I think Fireball. I think as an elf, you should describe your stuff. No, I don't think that's too easy. You can't use fireball. Oh like I like your slashing. Okay. Like, what's it look like? And what's the name of the spell? You can come up with anything.
SPEAKER_08There are no limitations here. So I have multiple thoughts. First of all, I feel like a room full of wrapping paper would operate like a gibbering mouth, as far as like a monster goes. That's what I feel like that should be like. And as an elf, I probably am armed with scissors, but we'll call them shears. Uh so we have shears that we can do piercing or slashing with. And You're not gonna let me cast fireball. I'm gonna say that some of the toys require a little melting for the plastic. So I have a lighter.
SPEAKER_05You're just gonna light it on fire? A torch?
SPEAKER_08Follow me through this thought process. First is first DM. I'm asking for allowance for a lighter.
SPEAKER_05Yes. You may have usually I have a lighter.
SPEAKER_08And then maybe we're also uh giving some really nice kids in Scandinavia some lamps, oil lamps, perhaps.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Excellent. Yeah, it's dark there. Sorry, pause. I need some sort of accelerant. Pause really quick.
SPEAKER_05Honest to God, I thought I just.
SPEAKER_01Are you a MacGyver in this situation? Is that what's happening?
SPEAKER_07We're about to make a malls off cocktail.
SPEAKER_05Are you the elf version of MacGyver? I just imagine him being an elf named Toby that takes a smoke break every 10 minutes. He's up taking a smoke break. I need a break. Corn cob pipe. That's where Santa gets his stash from. Yes, continue. Yes. The little kids in Scandinavia are getting lamps.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so we're gonna use some of the oil from the lamp, and we're gonna use our shears to cut a little piece of the wrapping paper off, bunch it up, pour a little oil on it, light that up, and throw it in and probably take some fire damage from the attack.
SPEAKER_05Love it. But it's worth the risk. And in the style of dungeon crawler Carl, I'm gonna name that uh Phil's Flaming Fiasco. Fantastic. Okay, it is time. Thank you. That was that was actually really good. Uh let's let's do our last two songs, potentially last two songs, because we have not used a pass as of yet. I'm a little surprised.
SPEAKER_01Nobody's pass. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_05Also, side note, uh, on this beer that we're drinking, does anybody get like a slight twinge of heat from the ginger at all? Yeah, yes? Okay, I was like, um, the only one? Yes. I was just noticing that. I was like, where's the heat case?
SPEAKER_03Like a kind of a peppery kind of uh write it first when I like on my lips, like on the outside of my lips, like the tingliness. Like okay.
SPEAKER_08I'm not the only one's cheese.
SPEAKER_05Phil found out.
SPEAKER_09The world's cheese. You won't get any of that.
SPEAKER_05So sorry not to go back to the beer review, but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going crazy. All right, Damon, hit it.
SPEAKER_01Okay. I don't know. I don't know what you guys are looking for here. So I got a variety of suggestions.
SPEAKER_02I'm not sure either.
SPEAKER_01Big money, big money, no whammy. I'm gonna throw out. I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.
SPEAKER_05Oh no. Shit, I don't have place for that. Uh beep beep.
SPEAKER_03Okay, I might have to change my thing and move something. Remember, you'd have a pass.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_01If you feel like maybe we could pass, maybe we could do better. How are you feeling?
SPEAKER_08Let me know. Well, do we only get one collective pass?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think you should get two.
SPEAKER_08We get one each. If we collectively do it, we could have up to three. Yeah, I think that makes sense. I think that's fair. If you guys want to pass, I would allow it. If I have to fit it somewhere, I have a spot.
SPEAKER_05So you have to you are initiating the pass.
SPEAKER_08No, no, no, no. I have a spot. No, no, no. He can play.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_04He's good.
SPEAKER_08But if you guys want to pass, I will pass. Allow.
SPEAKER_05Okay, Brett Brett has initiated a pass.
SPEAKER_01It requires a supermajority. It requires a two-thirds vote. This is so formal.
SPEAKER_00No, it needs a unanimous consent.
SPEAKER_05Are you going to second? No, I think it just needs a two-thirds vote. I'll I'll agree. So, yes, let's pass. Okay. That's a good song. And it has a place that it's just not on my chart.
SPEAKER_01You're passing on. I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Okay. Come. Well, let's find out how you feel about. Watch us do three passes in a row. Well, not we're not gonna do that one.
SPEAKER_04Oh Damon now knows. Well, that one's not gonna fly.
SPEAKER_01Let's go with let's see how you feel about I'm Mr. White Christmas.
SPEAKER_06I'm Mr. White Christmas.
SPEAKER_01That's the one.
SPEAKER_08I don't know if I know that one.
SPEAKER_05I do like that one.
SPEAKER_01It's from one of these uh the Mr. Sn Mr. Snow Miser sings this song. There's the Heat Miser and the Snow Miser.
SPEAKER_08Yes, okay, okay, okay. Now, which one's the good one? Which one's the bad one?
SPEAKER_01Well, Mr.
SPEAKER_06Heat miser, right?
SPEAKER_01I suppose that depends on how you feel about hot and cold.
SPEAKER_00That's fair.
SPEAKER_08I can always put on more clothes. It's only socially acceptable to take off so many clothes.
SPEAKER_01That's fair. Yeah. The snow miser just wants to make things cold all the time.
SPEAKER_04I I'm good keeping this one.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Yeah, I'm good.
SPEAKER_08Okay, what's the name of this one?
SPEAKER_01I'm Mr. White Christmas.
SPEAKER_08Not sure if it fits here, but this is where it's gonna go.
SPEAKER_01Oh, we're gonna end up so different. Yep. So I've got one left.
SPEAKER_08One left, as long as we don't pass. Multiple passes in play.
SPEAKER_01Well, I feel as though again we would be remiss.
SPEAKER_08Oh shit. Oh no. No, there's another beep on the bottom.
SPEAKER_07I don't know if anything fits in this spot. Okay.
SPEAKER_01This is another artist-specific version of a song.
SPEAKER_08It has to be when we talk about this is Jingle Bells. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Specifically the Barbara Streisand version.
SPEAKER_04Ah, keep. Keep of Jingle Bells. Sure.
SPEAKER_08If I'm familiar, but okay. Which you with her version, but it'll fit in this spot regardless of who sings it, so it's fine.
SPEAKER_07I'm relieved.
SPEAKER_05Actually, this was stressful. That was good. I was kind of hoping you were going to say the Frank Sinatra version, the one that starts with the I hear those J I and G L E bells. Those holiday J-I-N-G L E bells.
SPEAKER_04Those J I N G L E B E D L L S. We lost him, Damon. Sorry. This is why.
SPEAKER_03This is why we hit the bottom of the barrel of music.
SPEAKER_08True. Okay. So, but more importantly, or just as importantly, what songs didn't we put on our rubber?
SPEAKER_05What do you have left?
SPEAKER_01Here's what we didn't get an opportunity to talk about. Christmas time is here.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01I know that's Christmas time is here. Oh, yeah, okay. Time for joy and cheer. Maybe. How about this as an option? I go through all of these sort of honorable mention songs.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_01And if there's one. You have an opportunity to put one of them to like swap out one on your grid for one of these songs.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I'm good with that.
SPEAKER_01Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_05How many how many do you have?
SPEAKER_01I've got uh I've got one, two, three, four, five, six, woo! Seven honorable mentions.
SPEAKER_05You may you may pick one and swap this song. Yes.
SPEAKER_08Bonus points if you don't switch. Swap? Yep. Switch. Yep. Swap. Yep. Sure. Swip. Swip swatch. Yeah. Swip swatch.
SPEAKER_05Man, did you swip anything out? I didn't. Did you?
SPEAKER_03Hunch over tiny Tim. Trip you with his crudge.
SPEAKER_05Man, you swipped up.
SPEAKER_04Sorry, please continue.
SPEAKER_01Christmas time is here. Yes.
SPEAKER_05Get that bleep back.
SPEAKER_01Most notably, no the Charlie Brown, the Peanuts Christmas. That's the one. Baby, it's painful. Got it? Baby, it's cold outside. You don't have to put it on that side. That's why it wasn't brought.
SPEAKER_05Now I have to make another decision.
SPEAKER_01I really can't stay. Maybe it's cold outside. This is a song that has fallen out of favor. Yes. And for good reason. It's kind of suggesting. One of the characters is pretty manipulative. You're right. Fair chorus of the song.
SPEAKER_08She does say no, and no means no.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Mm-hmm. And he and then implied. Yes, no. It's kind of maybe implied that the drink has been spiked.
SPEAKER_08Yes, no, yes. No, no, no. Yes. No, yes.
SPEAKER_05Please go to the next song.
SPEAKER_01Baby, it's cold outside. Santa baby. Santa's slip the sable under the tree for me.
SPEAKER_06Then novel googs. Santa baby. So hurry down the chimney tonight.
SPEAKER_03Well, I don't think we're gonna get strike on this thing.
SPEAKER_08That's a good one. I appreciate that song.
SPEAKER_05Yep, I'm I'm a racing. I I'm using my swap out. That may be. We'll see. I'm I am openly saying that.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um next option on the list: the Christmas song. This is chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Ah.
SPEAKER_06Oh nuts roasting on an open fire. Nuts on fire. Got it.
SPEAKER_04Got it. Done. Easy. Placed. Consider it. Swapped. Do I swap or do I not? Did you swap? Oh, you didn't swap. Ah, I gotta leave it. Did you swap? You didn't swap.
SPEAKER_07I'm the only one that swapped. Okay. Santa Baby Mavia. I want to hear the full list first before I commit to a swap.
SPEAKER_05I I committed early. I'm probably gonna record it.
SPEAKER_01You will, I'm sure of it. Okay, we also have Let It Snow.
SPEAKER_06Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Weather outside is bright.
SPEAKER_01Okay, that's another option for you. Delightful. We also have This Christmas by Donnie Hathaway. This Christmas will be a very special Christmas. Yeah. Classic. Classic.
SPEAKER_05I'm sure this one isn't on your list. You guys know who Ray Stevens is? He's like the comedian singer. He did the streak. He sang a Christmas song too. That was uh Santa Claus is watching to you, and there's a little person in the video that would always pop out and go, he's everywhere, he's everywhere. That's fantastic. That's so bad. You should look that up later.
SPEAKER_01Another option The Only Gift by InSync.
SPEAKER_08Oh.
SPEAKER_01Oh, this is one that I cannot sync. Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_08I don't know that one. Okay. Not swapping that baby out.
SPEAKER_01But our music expert suggested it. She would. And then finally, and I can't believe that anybody's gonna know this song. Christmas Unicorn by Sufjan Stevens.
SPEAKER_05I'm a little surprised Hey Santa didn't make the list.
SPEAKER_01Nine and a half minutes long. I thought about Hey Santa.
SPEAKER_05Holy How many months of trying to find who sang that song.
SPEAKER_01I thought about Hey Santa, but I did not put it on the list.
SPEAKER_08Is that by like Straight Note Chaser, Hey Santa?
SPEAKER_05No, this is here.
SPEAKER_01I got I got a Hey Santa.
SPEAKER_05Hey Santa. That's really the only part of it that I remember.
SPEAKER_01It was on Monday when I was at Menard's.
SPEAKER_03If you know, write us a comment, please.
SPEAKER_08That's kind of how the straight no chaser one goes. And I just could not stand it out of my brain. Hey Santa. Hey Santa, hey, Santa, hey, Santa. It's not hey Santa, hey, Santa, hey, Santa.
SPEAKER_01But the problem was that I remembered the words incorrectly.
SPEAKER_05I thought it was Deer Santa.
SPEAKER_01So I'm looking up Deer Santa all the time.
SPEAKER_05Hey Santa is by Wendy Carney and Wendy Wilson.
SPEAKER_08Is that how it goes though? What? Basically like Hey Santa, and there's a few other words in it. No. I don't think I don't know. Okay.
SPEAKER_01No, what your doesn't sound like the does not sound like the Menard special.
SPEAKER_05Say big money. So now that we have placed all of our songs and Damon can chime in on what he thinks here. So I think what we're gonna do is I'm going to say uh lawful good, and then we're gonna share what song we put in lawful good, and we'll say and we need to do this unanimous, not not unanimously, at the same time, so that we can see how correct we are, okay?
SPEAKER_08Or incorrect, depending on this like a rock, paper, scissors shoot scenario. Sorry, I didn't mean to pound the table, but we are gonna shoot.
SPEAKER_05Sure, yes. Okay. Well, I'll just say three, two, one will say our song, and and Damon, feel free to chime in on whether you agree with what we say, okay? Okay. I'm mostly gonna be getting a beer, but so lawful good. Three, two, one, white Christmas. Yes.
SPEAKER_04What'd you say?
SPEAKER_07I'm Mr. White Christmas.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you literally said the same thing twice.
SPEAKER_08Mine has White Christmas in it. Just I'm Mr.
SPEAKER_05Oh, oh, you're I'm Mr. White Christmas. We're actual white Christmas. White Christmas in the crossmaker. Yeah, I know. Very close. I got you. All right. All right.
SPEAKER_04Neutral good. Three, two, one. Christmas come home. Okay, that doesn't work. Oh okay. We have Jingle Bells was mine. Mine was mine was I'm Mr. White Christmas.
SPEAKER_05Okay, okay. What what what would you have put there?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I don't have any idea.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_08That's that's that's completely true. So here's so you said I'm Mr. White Christmas, which was my lawful good. That's your neutral good.
SPEAKER_01I do like the idea.
SPEAKER_08That's my lawful neutral. So still like like very adjacent in that corner. Sure.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Yeah. Okay. Chaotic good. We're not gonna do a 3-2-1, because you're right. That was not the greatest idea. Okay, go ahead. Uh I I will go.
SPEAKER_04I I did up on a rooftop. Up on the rooftop. Oh, I did jingle bell rock. Ooh. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_05Again, mine is adjacent to that.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, my jingle bell rock is adjacent as well.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Uh Lawful Neutral. Uh I did uh Christmas. Baby, please come home. Same.
SPEAKER_08Okay, we have my neutral good. I did Jingle Bells as my lawful neutral.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Uh true neutral. I chose Santa Baby. White Christmas.
SPEAKER_03I'm Mr. White Christmas.
SPEAKER_05Why White Christmas? Like, why white Christmas? Like to me, that's like the quintessential Christmas song. So that's like why I'm neutral neutral. But that to me is lawful good. It's like it's like as as as we that might be you compared to Phil. Yeah. Fair, fair point.
SPEAKER_08And also I place White Christmas before I placed I'm Mr. White Christmas, thinking there'd be even more lawful good songs. So I was just sure.
SPEAKER_01That's that other thing too is planning ahead for the thing. Like if you if you all would have like seen all the songs. Oh yeah. You know, true. Like if you would have had the list of 12 songs in front of you and been able to categorize them correct, knowing what all the options are, then you would this was better though. Yeah, you would place you would have placed things differently.
SPEAKER_08So I did it as my neutral neutral as like a sure. Okay, I based everything else off. That's zero.
SPEAKER_03Christmas is good, so yes.
SPEAKER_08But is a white Christmas always good? Sometimes I don't like the snow. So you need to travel.
SPEAKER_05Exactly.
SPEAKER_08It snows where we live. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05It's not great. Um that's also why we had Damon pick the songs, because we knew if we started picking songs, we would try to pick songs that fit certain categories. You need a beer. I I need something. Beer break. Pause. And we're back. I didn't die, thankfully. Okay, let's move on to the case though. It was scary for a little bit. Just hacking up along. Damon was very concerned. Uh King came out to the rescue. He needed more beer. He glanced over while he was getting another beer and was like, Are you okay? You alright?
SPEAKER_04You good? You need a beer.
SPEAKER_01I paused for a moment. I respectfully and solemnly paused for a moment. You did. And I could see your your chest moving. You were good.
SPEAKER_05Let's continue.
SPEAKER_01I remember coughing is breathing.
SPEAKER_05Rub some dirt in it.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's good.
SPEAKER_05Coughing is breathing. So there's one thing you take away from this episode. Coughing is breathing. Okay, so chaotic neutrals. What were your glasses before this? Uh well they they're a little dirty, so I have them sitting over here. That's probably why I'm squinting really bad at what I'm reading. Uh Chaotic Neutral. What do you guys have for chaotic neutral?
SPEAKER_03What was that? Jingle Bell Rock?
SPEAKER_08Jingoo Boo.
SPEAKER_05Jingo Boo.
SPEAKER_03Oh, uh, all I want for Christmas is you.
SPEAKER_05Ooh, I also had Jingle Bell Rock. Oh. See, you and me. Pretty close. Something. Uh Lawful Evil. Yes, so let's go. Lawful evil. Toy Jack Butt. Okay.
SPEAKER_08I went off Damon's story for cold, cold Christmas on this one.
SPEAKER_05It felt like I also said cold, cold Christmas. Yes. Because that like wishing somebody else to have a cold Christmas because they're in a warm embrace.
SPEAKER_08Because they did something wrong. It felt very lawful and very evil.
SPEAKER_05It's a vengeance song. Yes. I agree. Okay, neutral evil.
SPEAKER_08This was my toy jackpot.
SPEAKER_05I said toy jackpot too.
SPEAKER_08Oh, I know where we're up on the housetop.
SPEAKER_04Ooh, okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he doesn't have permission to be in this. Yeah, he's breaking and entering. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Throw that with a rain flamer. Yeah. It's gonna damage your shells. Okay. Chaotic evil. All I want for Christmas is you.
SPEAKER_03You and I are the same last four. Cold, cold Christmas on that one. Chaotic evil.
SPEAKER_04Chaotic evil. That's fair. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I don't know what's chaotic.
SPEAKER_08So our evil row, oh, except for up on the hat on the rooftop, I think was the same, right? We had you had cold, cold Christmas and toy jackpot. You had cold cold Christmas, toy jackpot, and all I want for Christmas is you.
SPEAKER_05And you and I also like jingle bell rock. So the last four, Phil and I, were like on wow.
SPEAKER_08They were all though pretty close. Our biggest difference, I think, was up on the rooftop. Because we had it in the world. Yeah, that's pretty much the only one. Yeah. Versus a neutral evil. That was probably the furthest away one.
SPEAKER_01Did any of you swap out songs?
SPEAKER_05I did. I swapped out Santa Baby. Oh, that's right. Would you swap it out? Oh where did that go? Or what was there before? Oops, excuse me. I put it in true neutral. It was uh Jingle Bells by Barbara Streisand. I had in true neutral.
SPEAKER_01I think that's a good I think I think Jingle Bells is a good true neutral. That was my lawful neutral neutral goals.
SPEAKER_08I wasn't really sure. It's like I It's one of my last two to play. Yeah, I toss that around.
SPEAKER_01But if you heard that version of the song, you might put it as chaotic. Really? Okay. Yeah. Because it it's really fast. Oh, that's people should listen to it. It's great. Okay. Alright, so I think what we'll do is More people should listen to Professor Breakspeed.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely. Absolutely, yes.
SPEAKER_00I don't know what he's up to these days. Not a sponsor.
SPEAKER_01I feel I feel a certain sort of spiritual connection to Professor Breakspeed. That song, Toy Jackpot, is like the most accurate representation I think of that I've ever found of the way that I felt on Christmas morning. Ah having to wait. Sure. Like that feeling of having to wait for Christmas. And like for the opening of gifts. And like we because my Aunt Catherine and usually and also my grandma would come over on Christmas morning. And we would have to wait until they got there to like open gifts or to do anything. And they got probably probably got there at like 8 30 or 9 in the morning.
SPEAKER_05Way too late.
SPEAKER_019 in the morning, which is like pretty early.
SPEAKER_05What is going on here? It's a mutiny.
SPEAKER_01It's a mutiny.
SPEAKER_05Before we do, before you say who that landed on, um, I I do I would do want to bring up one thing really quick, and that I you guys are spinning until it's me. I know what you're doing.
SPEAKER_07Well, this was me and I've already gone. So not even clicking the button.
SPEAKER_05So as as I get older, I just I just want to like pick your brains really quick on something. So so what you were talking about that song is like at when you're a kid, it's like you can't wait until you open presents.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05As I've gotten older, I feel like I'm okay waiting. Does anybody else have that feeling? Like I'm cool, I'm cool sitting there and like prolonging that because like once I open my presents, Christmas is over.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I'd much rather watch somebody else open presents than me get like there's a satisfaction in like picking something out. I still really want the presents. No, I I don't want presents. I want to like watch other people opened. I mean, don't get somebody else's very generous of you.
SPEAKER_05I'm not in that boat, but I'm I'm like okay waiting a little longer because like growing up, we always opened presents on Christmas Eve, like late Christmas Eve, very early Christmas morning, like after midnight. You opened all and you opened all the presents then.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you didn't like because I know families who they would open one present on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve, yeah. Or maybe the Santa gifts were Christmas Eve, and then everything else was Christmas morning.
SPEAKER_05No, we we would open everything Christmas Eve.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I wouldn't want to do that.
SPEAKER_05But then but then as of the last few years, because we have little kids now, like staying up late doesn't feel like as much of an option. So we've moved to Christmas morning, like first thing Christmas morning. Yeah I do enjoy that. And and I just feel like prolonging that a little bit is I don't know. I just feel like time flies so fast anymore. It's like pushing that back a little bit and like taking it the moment for me.
SPEAKER_08I usually do one Christmas Eve. Sure. And most of the time, like for our kids, we do an ornament every year. We get the kids an ornament to put on the tree. So we'll do that. And then sometimes we'll do Christmas jammies so they can wear them the next day. And then everything else we do Christmas morning.
SPEAKER_05Sure. Okay. So did you finally get it to roll for me?
SPEAKER_08Well, so so actually we were trying to get an all, which I did get, and then I accidentally removed Brett from the list, so I fixed that. And then I tried to re-roll all and it came up with Ross twice. But we're gonna go with we're gonna go with all. Okay.
SPEAKER_05All so I I I have a fun one for this actually. So let me not even all roll.
SPEAKER_08You can have this back though.
SPEAKER_05Okay, that's fine. You can just set it right there.
SPEAKER_08But those two dice are there because when you come up, you have to roll at disadvantage, and we get to read both questions and pick which one you have to answer.
SPEAKER_03Ha ha! We have taken back the power.
SPEAKER_08Okay, whatever. Brett and I, because you and Damon already have all the power.
SPEAKER_05So for all, we're gonna do a holiday boss battle. We get to come up with the monster, we roll initiative, and then we all take a turn just saying whatever our attack is against said monster. Okay. So we've already had the wrapping paper monster, so it can't be the wrapping paper monster. So what it first of all, what is our monster? Do we pick one from a sentient Christmas tree?
SPEAKER_03Ooh, I like that idea. That is pissed off that you put ornaments on it.
SPEAKER_08It's like a pine tree ant.
SPEAKER_05Oh, yes, I love this. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna roll for initiative. I got an eight. So you're just gonna roll one die, Damon.
SPEAKER_08And it doesn't become animated until you go to put the star or the angel on the top.
SPEAKER_05So I got an eight. Damon got a two.
SPEAKER_07Three.
SPEAKER_01So we're battling this tree?
SPEAKER_07The tree's gonna go first. Eighteen. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_05So eight, eighteen, eight. No, mine three. Three, two. Dose. Okay. So you want to roll for the tree really quick? Okay. So we see where the tree goes.
SPEAKER_03Nineteen.
SPEAKER_05Tree goes first. Tree goes first. So it's a sentient Christmas tree that has now come alive because we put ornaments on it. Yeah, so it's flinging its balls.
SPEAKER_08Oh I feel like it could also do like a sacred.
SPEAKER_01I believe that they are my balls. Thank you very much.
SPEAKER_03Because you hung them up there.
SPEAKER_05I think since it's since it was your idea, you should come up with the attack for the tree too.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I go back to back then. Okay. Um the tree is going to cast magic balls, uh, which is kind of like magic missile, but it's shooting um one of the ornament balls at each one of us. And it's got three charges. So uh it's going to go down in order of in the initiative order. So me. Ross? Phil?
SPEAKER_05Yes. Okay. Correct. Okay, and then your whoever you are gets to go first. Oh man. So I think I think for the sake of this combat, we are all elves finding this tree.
SPEAKER_08That's fantastic. So the tree just hit.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah. Well, it's magic missile. It totally hit. Okay, fine.
SPEAKER_08Yep. So elves. But we're like Christmas elves. So we're not.
SPEAKER_05We're Santa's elves, so we have at least 10 health, I think, I feel like.
SPEAKER_08But an AC of like 12, maybe. Sure. 10. Maybe we have on uh an apron from working in the workshop.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I love that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So that gives us we're 11 on our AC. 10 plus 1.
SPEAKER_05When you go, you have to say your elf name.
SPEAKER_08But you better believe I'm a rogue elf.
SPEAKER_05I'm trying to figure out other stuff already.
SPEAKER_03Settle down now.
SPEAKER_05Your elf name and your attack.
SPEAKER_08I'm a rogue elf that steals his tools from you.
SPEAKER_03A rogue elf? Of course you are. Shocked. Of course you are. Shocked I am. Okay, Yoda.
SPEAKER_05What are you? Are you like on the specialist crew that works with Santa to sneak in the houses?
SPEAKER_08I'm the one that buffs Santa out of jail.
SPEAKER_05You're like the ELFS from Elfs with attitude.
SPEAKER_08Goodbye, you enough time.
SPEAKER_03Um yeah, I am gonna be. So my elf name is Thormir. Thormir, okay. Thormir. Um and I am going to uh uh I'm gonna sneak over and try and I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna try and do something stealthy and sneak over and try and unplug the Christmas tree. Ooh. So I'm gonna roll to see if it hits. Uh that was a four, so it stays plugged in.
SPEAKER_05Best laid plans. Ross! Uh my name is Twinkle. No, and uh I'm going to I'm I'm pretty sure I would have to be some sort of fighter, but I'm gonna use my tinsel cannon to try to wrap up the tree. Would you please roll for me, actually?
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_08You touched another man's dice.
SPEAKER_03You should roll your own.
SPEAKER_08What do we got?
SPEAKER_0314! That's a lot better than the one I rolled.
SPEAKER_08Alright.
SPEAKER_05Jeez. Okay. Uh I don't know if a 14 hits or not, but uh let's let's pretend that some uh silver uh tinsel flings out of the tree and uh hits the tree for I don't know, some kind of damage, but sparkle damage. Sparkle damage, yes.
SPEAKER_01I mean it's all pretend. So it's like whose line is it anyway?
SPEAKER_05So so so far we have Thoromir and Twinkle.
SPEAKER_08I was trying to decide. So my kid's elf, its name is Sprinkles, so I thought maybe sprinkles. But then I thought, I'm like, well, do I really want sprinkles or do I want like something ridiculous? Like Hugh Zhuang or something like that.
SPEAKER_05Hugh Zhuang? Yes. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Hugh Zwang.
SPEAKER_05Um but let's go with uh Does it happen to be from Southeast Asia?
SPEAKER_08Yes.
SPEAKER_05No, okay.
SPEAKER_08Um let's choose why don't we why don't we choose uh Frosty? So my else name is gonna be Frosty. And uh this Frosty, we're gonna go on the rogue side of this. So once again, armed with shears, because why not? Uh we're going to attempt to sever the cord since unplugging it didn't work. Oh, okay. Possibly risking electrocution, yes. Yes, but I will go out in a blaze of glory. And I'm gonna roll my own dice.
SPEAKER_05I think that's like a DC 17. Okay.
SPEAKER_03It's a six. No, that's a nine. Still fails.
SPEAKER_05Oh, ma'am. Okay, so you failed. What happened? Because I think you go to chop through it and you don't chop through it, but it surges through your axe, Mr.
SPEAKER_08ELFS. Hold on, let me roll deck safe.
SPEAKER_05It wasn't a crit pale.
SPEAKER_07I don't want to talk about my deck safe. Let's just say that uh I'm now grappled by the trees.
SPEAKER_05You got taught up in Twinkle's tinsel. Oh, Damon, what's your help?
SPEAKER_01We've all been there.
SPEAKER_09Frosty's frozen.
SPEAKER_01I'm Steve.
SPEAKER_05Yes. I am Twinkle, Frosty, and Steve. That's a superhero group.
SPEAKER_09Steve's gonna be our savior. Just wait.
SPEAKER_01And I'm over it. Yes. This is my this is this is my last Christmas before I retire. And I told all you little assholes not to mess around with this tree anyway. And yet you did it. You put your balls all over this tree. I told you. Trees don't like that. Don't do it. And you did it anyway. And now it's rebelled against you. The blue ones. And I don't really give a flying rat's ass anymore. So I'm just leaving.
SPEAKER_04He's just no. Well, he's not the savior. I'm going up the chimney.
SPEAKER_01I'm having a smoke. Chaotic neutral. I'm catching the first sleigh out of here.
SPEAKER_04What's the name of the guy?
SPEAKER_09Steve the Survivor.
SPEAKER_03From up? Yeah. Oh man. It's a Carl. Do I need to roll for that? No, I think you just do it.
SPEAKER_05Peace out, bro. I'm done. See, I think the guy literally just went, I'm too old for this.
SPEAKER_04This is stupid.
SPEAKER_01I think the trees got us. What are we doing? Okay. I told him not to put me on a team with a bunch of little idiots.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, they they failed on that one for sure.
SPEAKER_01No, get my get my pension.
SPEAKER_05Picking up your chat. I didn't work this long. GTFO.
SPEAKER_01To not get my pension.
SPEAKER_05Oh man. Okay. All right. That was that was pretty solid. Okay. So for our last little segment here, we did uh on threads, we asked uh if people would take either a Christmas story character or a Christmas movie character and then tell us who would make a an excellent BBEG, a big bad, evil guy. And I think we'll just roll through some of these comments really quick and we can discuss them as we go. The first one that came in was uh Tales from the Fandom. So thank you for your submission. Uh said either Heat Miser or the Winter Warlock could be potentials. Professor Hinkle too. Professor Hinkle is from um it's from one of the cremation movies, I'm pretty sure.
SPEAKER_08It's the toy one. Um Island of Misfit Toys? Is it from Island of Misfit Toys or not?
SPEAKER_01Isn't that part of Is it different than what's the name of it?
SPEAKER_05Profess Professor Hinkle, yeah.
SPEAKER_08Professor Hinkle.
SPEAKER_03Frosty.
SPEAKER_05Frosty the guy who's trying to steal the hat.
SPEAKER_08It's from Frosty's hat.
SPEAKER_05Okay, there we go. Yeah, it's his hat.
SPEAKER_01Goodness gracious. He's a professor? I thought he was a magician.
SPEAKER_08Well, he thinks he's a magician. Oh, sure. Because it's his magic hat that makes Frosty.
SPEAKER_05Oh, okay. Alright, I see. I see.
SPEAKER_01But he's a professor by trade? Apparently. What does he profess?
SPEAKER_05Magic. Magic. Wait a minute. Magic's smell shenanigans. He did not say he worked for an accredited university or you know.
SPEAKER_03So what type of magic wielder is he? Illusion.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no. I'm talking like, is he a warlock? Oh. A sorcerer? A wizard? Well, if he's a professor, he would be a wizard.
SPEAKER_08That's a book learning.
SPEAKER_03That guy's had a but the magic comes from the hat. He doesn't have magic without the hat, right? Yeah, he's a poser.
SPEAKER_01Sure. But he's an imposter.
SPEAKER_08Uh in Everon, there's like um, what are they called? Wand slingers or something. Like, in essence, people can learn magic.
SPEAKER_05The hat, the hat could be his focus too. Is that what the treaty is? Wand slinger?
SPEAKER_08More like a sap slinger.
SPEAKER_05Okay, moving on. They mentioned somebody else, though. Uh Mr. Heat Miser and uh the Winter Warlock. I don't know where that's much. We'll we'll check that one really quick. Let's let's keep moving though. Uh uh at Poi Game Studio said they've used Krampus, which that that is a very valid master, and I get that one. And then Gorilla. Uh I've heard of Gorilla. I don't know where that's from, though. Gorilla. What do you what do you guys got over there?
SPEAKER_01Mr. Heatmiser. Yeah. Oh yeah. Mr. Heatmiser. That was one of the s he sang one of our songs.
SPEAKER_06I Mr. White Christmas.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, there's Heat Miser and Cold Miser, Snow Miser.
SPEAKER_08And then the Winter Warlock is from Santa Claus's Come Into Town.
SPEAKER_05Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Yes. He later gets just called um, they say winter for short.
SPEAKER_01And he is bad because he's winter?
SPEAKER_08No, I think just if you were an immortal hermit with vast magic that lives on the mountain of the whispering winds and attacks anyone who comes near. The story could be like he goes he goes rogue and so he's really just like protective of his area. Yes and Skringle happens to venture into his introvert, doesn't care.
SPEAKER_05So okay, so get off my lawns, people that f off. Yes. Thank you to Poi Game Studio for that for that submission. Uh next is uh Dr. GM Anthony. Did we look up Gorilla? We should look up Oh yeah, somebody look up Gorilla. I feel as though that's another R Y L A. I've heard that name before. Uh but Dr. Dr. GM Anthony said that and I love this one. This person's a doctor. Well, his his handle is Dr. GM Anthony. Okay. Uh his post is a single elf who's been pulling the strings and cooking the naughty nice book for centuries. I love that idea. It's like behind the scenes, like this one elf that's been doing it. Makes me think of Bernard from the Santa Claus. Like a display running the show.
SPEAKER_01A disgruntled bureaucrat. Yeah, yes. Right? Just all right. I've had enough. 100%.
SPEAKER_05So what do you almost like your elf in a way?
SPEAKER_01Kind of, but more vengeful.
SPEAKER_05Yes. Like Steve's just he's just ready to be done. I'm just done. Like this is all stupid. Too old for this.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_03So what do you have to do to stop him? Like file some paperwork or well, HR.
SPEAKER_05You gotta uncover the conspiracy. Okay.
SPEAKER_08The reason that Gorilla sounded familiar is that eventually we're gonna get to a comment. There someone talks about the Yule Cat, and in my brief but deep dive on the Yule Cat today, I learned about Gorilla, uh, which is a character from Icelandic folklore.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_08So she is a giantess or kind of a troll witch that comes down from the mountains during Christmas to snatch and cook misbehaving children for a stew. Okay.
SPEAKER_05That's a natural. So so now that now that we've talked about Gorilla, I've heard you guys know the Levin Legend of Evantress. Have you seen any of their like reels and stuff? It's like it's like another like uh um live action DD group. Uh they they have a thing where uh their group's pretty funny, but like the DM was like uh it's Gorilla of the Woods, and they're like, there's a gorilla loose. And then they go off on this whole tangent, it's great. Uh Dr. GM Anthony did also say uh Jack Frost Gone Joker would be a fun BBEG. I agree with that. That's a good one. Um gods and game masters said Krampus. I I do agree Krampus would make a fantastic uh BBEG. Uh Crit Hit the Giant. Hey, shout out to Sean. Uh Grown Up Ralphie from a Christmas story. I think that would be hilarious because you know, from that movie, like he has a lot to be against the bullies.
SPEAKER_03Ralphie's got a machine gun. There's a lot of trauma. He stepped up from the BB gun to a machine gun. Ralphie's got a machine gun with a Ralphie's got a gun. It's got a compass in the handle and one of those things that tells time.
SPEAKER_01Compass and the stock and the thing which tells time.
SPEAKER_03One of those things that tells time in the stock.
SPEAKER_04No, I mean, I guess at the end of Christmas.
SPEAKER_05They have those at Walmart button story, though. At the end of a Christmas story, I mean, he gets what he wants, and it's a happy indie. So there's really no reason for Ralphie to become a bad guy today. Now, maybe the dad no PTSD from his chat trauma matters. Sure. What is it traumatized about? How about the furnace that the dad has to be? I was gonna suggest the furnace from a Christmas. Yes, that's the true enemy of that story. It's like belching stores.
SPEAKER_04The pump of towns. Yes.
SPEAKER_03Lots of possibilities here.
SPEAKER_05Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03Those are like side quests on the way. Yeah, I was gonna suggest the furnace.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so maybe not Ralphie, but definitely the furnace or the hounds, I think, are definite options here. Uh, gamer geek322 said uh the year without Santa Claus. Do the PCs side with the King of the Fire Giants or the Lord of the Frost Giants? Ooh, you gotta save the day, thank you. Santa has gone away and there's a power vacuum, so who do you side with? I kind of like that idea though. Any general thoughts on that?
SPEAKER_08No, no, it ties in super well to the ordinary of the giants, too. Like if you're into the giants, yeah. Like that's a cool, that's a cool one.
SPEAKER_05Uh okay, uh Nawin Virtual Solutions says Santa Claus himself. You make it two ways. Evil twin Santa Claus, who locked up the real one and was making the North Pole a cult.
SPEAKER_01That's just the Santa Claus 2.
SPEAKER_05That's true. That's true. Or and I hate that movie.
SPEAKER_08It's the worst out of it.
SPEAKER_05Or Santa Claus has been possessed by the Bahumbug spirit, and they've chained up the Christmas spirit, and you have to free the spirit, or Christmas is lost forever. That's a cool idea. That'd be a fun, fun adventure, uh, let's see here. Next one, Hans Gruber from uh Die Hard. If you feel that Die Hard is a Christmas movie, uh I mean Hans Gruber is already a BBEG. Um, so that definitely fits. Uh and then somebody also said, I don't know why they did they commented to the wrong one. Um, but there was a call him out, Rass. Sorry, my my my my bad. I call him out. I apologize. But tall halfling RPG said the bumble. Tall half said the what? Yes. Tall halfling RPG said the bumble, which is the abominable snow man from uh uh Rudolph Rednosed Reindeer is the one that Yukon Cornelius tames at the end. He puts the star on the tree. So he could become the the B B E G.
SPEAKER_01Does he tame him? I feel like Or do they just become friends? Isn't it like a m isn't it like a sitcom misunderstanding sort of a situation?
SPEAKER_05I don't know, because they never really say what happens.
SPEAKER_01Isn't he just mad because he's got a bad tooth or whatever?
SPEAKER_05Oh, that's right.
SPEAKER_04He has like a hurting tooth. That's right. I forgot about this. This is the rest of the story. And I know that.
SPEAKER_01And that's another thing that I hate, and I still know that.
SPEAKER_05Okay. The uh TP TTR toilet paper. Okay. Yes, it is. I'm like struggling because my glasses are true enemy of Christmas. TTR TTR George said Rudolph, he never got over uh the others making fun of him as he grew up, and the song lies. Santa didn't ask Rudolph to join, he was forced to when the pain of his nose nose grew so intense that the heat it emanated would literally melt away the snow clouds around them. Oh shit. This is the story of Rudolph's revenge. Oh, it's so dark. I love it. That's pretty fun. I like that actually.
SPEAKER_08And Abraham Antler sets him free.
SPEAKER_05Abraham Antler? Who's that?
SPEAKER_07He's gonna abolish Rudolph's slavery.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, he's uh Okay. Um let's see. Ross got it now.
SPEAKER_05Uh okay, so Mr. underscore J underscore BW says, I did one a few years ago where Santa Claus needed help finding Mrs. Claus. The group met him in his workshop where there were loads of gnomes making toys. They told them that Mr. and Mrs. Claus were being held captive in the grotto. When they got there, they were faced with the Christmas themed puzzles. My favorite were the rotting Christmas tree and the mistletoe. Eventually, when they got there, Mrs. Claus was making cookies from human remains, and Santa Claus was actually a werewolf and named Santa Claus, C-L-A-W-S, and he said ho ho hungry, and then attacked the group.
SPEAKER_04Yes, ho ho hungry.
SPEAKER_01Ho ho hungry.
SPEAKER_04Look at me.
SPEAKER_01They would have known he wasn't serious.
SPEAKER_04They got out of the hungry. Now we know we're in trouble. They got now we know this is.
SPEAKER_05Pickaxe. That's true. That's a good point. The main thing I remember about UCorn Yukon Cornelius is when he like knocks on the door and he's like uh it's not fit for man nor beast or something like that. That's the main thing I remember from that movie. He's also just weird. Yeah, wait. Well he's like a weird, like yeah again.
SPEAKER_01I kind of hate that.
SPEAKER_05He's saying he's just like a random dude. Like it's not like he's like a L.
SPEAKER_01He's been alone NBC.
SPEAKER_05Indeed, he is, yes.
SPEAKER_01He's been alone for too long.
SPEAKER_05Yes, he's been traveling the Yukon, yes, for lack of a better term. Yeah. By himself, yes, yes, I agree. I can see that. Okay, uh Lopan 1975 says Jack Frost from the Santa Claus 3 or Bell's Nickel from the Santa Claus Chronicles 2. Bell's Nickel. So he he actually he actually posts he actually posted a uh thing here. So according to German flo folklore, that dates back to at least the 18th century. Bell's nickel is a foil of sorts to Saint Nicholas or Santa Claus, a dishelved man dressed in tattered furs and dirty clothes, often wearing a mask with a long tongue carrying a switch. He visits homes a few weeks before Christmas to check up on children's behavior. Belsnickel's name is a combination of Belzen, German for pelt, which could have described the furs or a walloping, and nickel is the German name for Nicholas. I mean, that sounds a lot like Krampus. You know, I I feel like you know, there's a lot of things that we've left out for our kids that uh you know, it's like we tell them about Santa Claus, but it's like we don't tell them about Krampus or Bell's Nickel coming to beat the crap out of them three weeks before Christmas because they're not behaving properly.
SPEAKER_08It feels like a shadow link situation.
SPEAKER_05Shadow link?
SPEAKER_08Link shadow link.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you.
SPEAKER_01Um, like every hero has an opposite. Yes, okay.
SPEAKER_05I I see what you're saying.
SPEAKER_03Christmas might be the best holiday for one-shots.
SPEAKER_05That's fair.
SPEAKER_03Themed one-shots.
SPEAKER_05True, yeah.
SPEAKER_08Halloween's right up there, too.
SPEAKER_05Oh, true. Let's see. I think there's more depth to Christmas, though. Yes. That's true. Bed earth Bed Earthan says Donner and Blitzen. So like the reindeer being the bad guys. Bed earthen. It could be earthen. You probably earthen. It might be the uh the the the tiny dim stock at this point. Or bedirth. I prefer Bed Earth. I prefer earthan. B Dirthon. Your your Saturday night night with Knigh T says that it was Mrs. Claus all along. That would be pretty funny. Uh, Jack.biddy says Buddy and Jovi's child from the elf.
SPEAKER_08That could be interesting. You got me locked onto Mrs. Claus, and now I think she's running a brothel out of the workshop.
SPEAKER_01I don't understand why she's okay.
SPEAKER_05Okay, here's one that that Damon will appreciate. Sinbad from Jingle All the Way. Which I about replied to that and just especially if you're a box. Look out.
SPEAKER_04Or booster. Nobody likes you booster. We don't like you, booster.
SPEAKER_01Out of my way, box.
SPEAKER_05I about posted a gif of Arnold Schwarzenegger just going, does it send Prancer Vicama Cube Donovan?
SPEAKER_01I could do this all day.
SPEAKER_05Oh man. And then finally, what was the one that Phil had mentioned earlier, and I'm gonna butcher this, but from from Icelandic mythos is uh Yolk Yolkater? I couldn't figure out how to pronounce it, but it's the Yule cat. The Yule cat, which basically shows up before Christmas to eat kids who don't get new clothes. Is that what I understood? Correct.
SPEAKER_08It was a way to get a way to be good so they could get new clothes because you wanted new clothes back when this was a big thing.
SPEAKER_01That was like the height of yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_08And the cat wouldn't eat you if you had new clothes. But if you didn't have new clothes and you weren't good, the cat would sneak up to your house and it would eat you.
SPEAKER_01But the cat showed up before Christmas?
SPEAKER_08Yes.
SPEAKER_01Man, you had also connected to get your new clothes yet.
SPEAKER_08Uh was it Gorilla? Yep. So the cat is supposedly Gorilla's pet.
SPEAKER_03What? Oh my god. What? You do this for your kids, and then it once they beat, they like beat the cat. Uh yes. They defeat the cat. Beat that kit. Beat the cat. Uh they defeat the cat. They earn their Christmas jammies.
SPEAKER_08Yes, basically, yes.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay. Sure. There's so many good options here.
SPEAKER_08Interesting. And I originally thought it was a way to like, hey, we got you jammies, put them on, you know, so the cat doesn't eat you. That's not what it was.
SPEAKER_05Why don't you tell your kids that and then let us know in the spring how that went?
SPEAKER_07Be excited about these jammies so the cat doesn't eat you.
SPEAKER_05Okay, well, I think that's gonna do it for us. Uh, first of all, a Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everybody. Phil, yes?
SPEAKER_08We're uh so this is our first beer though that we're gonna put on Untapped. Yes. So we're starting a Bards and Barrels Untapped account. So if any of you use Untapped, find us Bards and Barrels as a user. And we're gonna start putting these beers that we rate out there. We'll translate our Yay name slash challenge ratings slash, we're gonna figure it out uh into an untapped rating since it's only on a five scale.
SPEAKER_05We'll do our best.
SPEAKER_08We'll figure we'll figure out a way. Go check us out.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so that's gonna do it for this episode of Bards and Barrels. Merry Christmas, everyone. Stay tuned uh in the future. You can check out our regular show, Bards and Barrels Anywhere Podcast can be found. You can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and untap now. Until next time, everybody have a Merry Christmas and lovely holidays.
