Ross 0:17

There's the opening crack. It's time for the opening crack, the sideshow to the D&D show we normally do, where we rank and where we taste and rank. It's been a while since we've done that.

Damen 0:26

The ranking then would be

Phil 0:27

funny to rank it first and then go back at the end and see if you were right. Blind rank. Yeah. Blind rank.

Ross 0:33

Wow. Well, stay tuned to the next episode of the opening crack where we where we rank them. Yeah, blind rank it. Do you want to start that tonight? That really wasn't the plan, but we can.

Damen 0:43

Oh no, it's too late now. Well, maybe it's not. I don't know.

Phil 0:49

We could rate it on Clyde.

Ross 0:51

We could. You want to do a blind rating? Next time. Everybody listening to the screen. We've already tasted it. Come back next time you see the. Everybody listening to this is so confused right now. I mean, like, what else is new for the opening crack?

Damen 1:04

Uh, Phil, what are we drinking tonight?

Phil 1:05

We are drinking Clyde's caramel cream. It's a caramel and vanilla ale brewed by Burr Oak Brewing Company out of Columbia, Missouri.

Ross 1:15

Shout out to all you Mizzou fans out there. Crickets. Yeah, you can hear them. Crickets. Crickets. Crickets. Crickets. Okay.

Damen 1:23

I heard them. The crickets? So we're here. I love, I mean, I hope they are here. We love cats. Big cats, little cats. You know? Sure.

Phil 1:35

Cats with monocles.

Damen 1:36

Yeah. I love it. Aren't they the tigers? Isn't that their deal?

Phil 1:39

Yeah.

Ross 1:39

They are the tigers. I did. You did, obviously, yes. Well, well done, Damon. Uh, go ahead and take a sip. Uh, while you're doing that, I will uh read the description for this one from Burr Oak Marine. Clyde's caramel cream ale is a silky cream ale. Clyde is named after our famous rescue cat who keeps a watchful eye on grain intruders. Mildly sweet with notes of caramel and vanilla, this cream ale has a luxurious mouthfeel and a smooth, creamy finish. What are your initial thoughts? Brett. That's too bad. He's like savory. Did you see that? Wait, should I come to you? Is this a missed opportunity?

Damen 2:17

I was just gonna say, I don't think that that cat is as famous as they think it is.

Brett 2:21

I think you should come back to me. Uh oh. Brett has to go.

Damen 2:25

Okay.

Ross 2:26

Pause. Before you go back. Yes, he does, because notoriously on this show, Brett loaves cream males. I don't know. Maybe that's too.

Brett 2:35

I was trying to think of what Damon's saying is when we try pickle beers. Something like uh I appreciate its quality for the style that it is. Or something like that. Okay.

Damen 2:46

I'm sure it's a good representation of the style.

Brett 2:48

That's that's the line.

Ross 2:49

Model that up. We'll come back to you. I want you to stew on that for another minute. Phil, go ahead.

Damen 2:54

So actually, uh what I appreciated the most about your description of this beer was luxurious because it does feel like like as it goes across the tongue, it's a full mouthfeel. Like it's an experience in a delicious way. I don't know.

Ross 3:09

I don't disagree.

Damen 3:10

I really enjoyed this.

Ross 3:11

It's uh heavy vanilla flavor. The nose on this feels like it's it's like cream soda. That vanilla coming through nice and some shit wrong. I I love that. I like cream sodas.

Damen 3:22

I feel as though we're gonna have a 2v2 situation here. Uh oh. Because I don't really care for this beer very much. Oh man. Oh no. Oh no. I think it's uh I think that the we I think there should be another category of beers, and it should be novelty beers.

Brett 3:42

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you putting pickles in this? Yes, yes.

Damen 3:45

Yes, any stupid beer that somebody comes up with.

Brett 3:48

Are they like habanero beers like that?

Damen 3:51

Yes, those are all novelty beers.

Brett 3:53

The super hot one. Like the yeah.

Ross 3:55

So so do you feel this because like the like this is not like a traditional beer flavor, so it's like that's why it should be grouped in this? Or I just want a beer. Sure. Okay, fair.

Damen 4:05

This hit this tastes like root beer.

Ross 4:07

I do, I get I do it. Or a sassy out of it, yeah.

Damen 4:10

Or something along those lines. Remember a few years ago when uh who was that? There was like hard root beer was all the phrase. Uh yes, I do remember what that was like a one hard ripped beer. Not your grandfather's or something like that.

Ross 4:24

Yeah, that's not your grandpa's hard root beer.

Damen 4:26

And then everybody thought, oh boy, we should make a hard ripped beer. Yeah. Like, well, no, like there's a like a reason that nobody had really been making hard root beers before. Fair.

Ross 4:35

And they I mean, but they're not going for hard root beer here.

Damen 4:39

Caramel cream. So I don't know if that's what they're going for or not, but that's kind of where they ended up.

Brett 4:49

It's kind of like they put one of those masks on that had like the big glasses and the big nose. Like, I'm not a root beer. Do you try to see that? There's some very harsh opinions in this room right now.

Damen 5:00

It's got a trench coat on it. I don't know that we've ever rated one, but I know we've had like a vanilla bean ale. Is it that drastically different, you think, than like a vanilla bean ale? I don't really care for those either. Okay.

Ross 5:10

Because like that is style. That gave Brett pause. I know.

Damen 5:16

Because it's not that dissimilar to that.

Brett 5:18

I would agree with that. This has a lot more of the smoothness with the caramel in there that wasn't necessarily there with like the vanilla bean ales.

Ross 5:29

Yeah. Fair. Sure. So you do you not and like comparing to other cream ales? Like, is it down there with them or is this one above it? I guess I'm not sure.

Brett 5:43

This one is far above. Oh, uh, do you remember the chonk? The creamy chonk one.

Ross 5:48

Oh god, those were good. Yes, so good.

Damen 5:51

Uh that was the ones that are kind of like more like they're kind of more like a smoothie.

Brett 5:56

Yeah. I like this more than that.

Phil 5:59

Okay.

Brett 6:00

Uh, because this is closer to like I put caramel macchiato syrup in my coffee. This is more like that.

Damen 6:09

Okay.

Brett 6:10

Compared to just like a scoop of ice cream. Sure. Uh give us a facts on this beer, yeah.

Ross 6:17

Yeah, what is what are we even? What are the facts? I mean, we've been talking about what beer. Uh it's a 5.7 on the ABBs. Uh IB used for this one 15, which makes sense. Like, I don't I don't get any bitterness. Like, they they crack like they even admit that it's more of a dessert beer, which I feel like that fits really well. Oh, yeah. I almost wonder if that should be the the group that these are in. Because there's several other beers that could that could go in that group. I think the cream ale side of it lends itself really well to the dessert y part of it. I'm not a fan of cream ale's either, so I'm kind of in Brett's bow, but it there's something back.

Damen 6:54

I think it's the vanilla. That's what? That m makes it feel more like a dessert. Because it's like ice cream. More like vanilla ice cream.

Brett 7:01

Like this would go good with apple pie.

Damen 7:03

Like like I make a cream ale that has no lactose or any cream in it at all. Like the style cream ale doesn't necessarily have anything to do with dairy. Yeah, sure. Like with cream. Um it's just a light style of beer. Um yeah, but I yeah, I think that that the vanilla that's in there. I don't I don't know if you guys taste caramel in it, really, or not.

Ross 7:31

No, it's to me it's all vanilla.

Damen 7:33

Yeah, I don't notice that it's caramel, I guess. Over the vanilla.

Brett 7:37

Unless it's that I get the same smoothness with the caramel. That's what I wondered.

Damen 7:41

If that is that just a trick. Is it a trick of the minds?

Ross 7:46

I wonder if that's where we're getting like the root beer vibe from it. Because you get the vanilla, which is obviously a very forward part of root beer, but then that caramel adds like that brown sugary kind of toastiness, very light toastiness. Like next week neighbors to each other, yeah. Yeah, that's yeah, that's a great way. They're like caramel and brown sugar, like and and not like neighbors like no normal neighbors, not like a mile and a quarter away neighbor, but like the neighbor where like you live in a subdivision where they built the houses too close, like you can open a window and like shake hands with your neighbor. Yes. That that can I have a cup of sugar. Yes. Do you have any gray coupon?

Damen 8:18

Like you can reach into their window from your window.

Ross 8:21

Correct. Think like a la, you know, Denver, any big city. That's kind of what I'm thinking. Like neighbors. Sorry, that was a little off.

Brett 8:29

Out of everywhere in the world that you could have picked for an example of that, you go Denver?

Damen 8:34

Yeah, Denver, Iowa.

Brett 8:35

But not Denver, Iowa. Not like probably not that's a micro.

Damen 8:38

Anywhere on the East Coast. But we met Matt Dinnaman in Denver.

Ross 8:42

I go to Denver a lot. So Denver pops up in my brain a lot. Okay. But like I don't I don't venture too often. Row house? I don't venture too often to Jersey. Yeah. I don't either, but to Brooklyn.

Damen 8:53

In Baltimore, we should go to Brooklyn, Iowa. I don't go to Brooklyn, Iowa either. I could knock my neighbors into the wall in Baltimore, my row home.

Brett 9:01

Is there a version of every town in Iowa?

Ross 9:04

I mean that's because Iowa couldn't come up with any other better names. Because like all town names are named after people. So is there a Nebraska, Iowa?

Brett 9:12

Probably.

Damen 9:13

Wouldn't surprise me. Probably Nebraska City.

Brett 9:16

You should. I wish you guys could have seen Damon's face. He was like going through a map of Iowa in his head.

Ross 9:21

He's like, wait, maybe.

Damen 9:23

I'm not aware of one, but I mean, there's an Atlanta, Nebraska. There is. That's true. And I think maybe also Springfield, Nebraska. There is a Springfield, Nebraska, yeah. So I mean, I'm just saying, you know.

Brett 9:35

Oh, yeah. It's not a people have. They're basically the same state.

Damen 9:39

True. It's so true.

Ross 9:40

Yes, you're exactly right. Don't tell Iowa fans that. Sorry, Demon.

Phil 9:44

Yeah.

Ross 9:45

Before we get too far off the beam path here, Phil, can you describe the can for us?

Phil 9:49

Oh, that's there's a beer.

Ross 9:51

But I can help with this.

Damen 9:52

It's cylindrical and metallic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the word I was looking at. It's a label on it. And on the label is printed Clyde. In all of I'm making an assumption here, his glory, with a uh black top hat and a monocle over his right eye, as he is, what did it say? Keeping the critters out of the grain.

Phil 10:16

Yes.

Damen 10:17

Uh I actually really like this can. I think that it's like kind of a classy look. It would get me to pick the can up off the shelf.

Ross 10:24

I agree. And then I would put it down when it said caramel cream ale. But you like it. I don't mind it. I would not buy it for myself, though. It's not one I would pick up, probably.

Damen 10:34

I would. I can tell you it stood out amongst the sea of IPAs and double IPAs and hazy IPAs. All the neon colors, all the labels. Yeah.

Brett 10:43

Yes. Like it's it's definitely a more subdued can in the world of can design these days. True. It feels like old fashioned. Yes. But like in a in a like old fashioned but in a unmodern way.

Damen 10:58

This cat looks as though he would fit in with that um uh the Victorian era candelabra? The one candela.

Phil 11:10

Oh, candelab's. Yes, he would fit in candelabs.

Damen 11:14

Candelabra.

Phil 11:15

Yeah.

Damen 11:16

He looks like a character out of there.

Ross 11:20

Yes, I I don't disagree with that. I like that. I think the Clydes uh font makes me think of uh um cheers.

Damen 11:29

Oh yeah, a little bit it's a little more motorcycle than that. Sure. What do you mean by motorcycle? It looks like a motorcycle font. I don't know.

Ross 11:38

Oh, because like slanty or what?

Damen 11:42

Yeah, it's like it's got these weird little angly bits in the L and the Y.

Ross 11:47

I've never heard a font described as motorcycle, but I I I'm talking about I appreciate what you're saying. Yeah, you're right.

Brett 11:53

That's just that's new to me. Or the the angly bits. I love the angly bits.

Damen 12:00

Sometimes you wanna go where needless to say, this cat does not look like the cat on the chonk cans.

Ross 12:06

No, definitely not really. That's a very like donut style cat, like flat faced.

Damen 12:12

Although this hat.

Ross 12:14

True. True. Okay, so let's bring some D&D into this because we're gonna we could venture off on the or we could bring some candela obscura. Yeah, we just didn't. Yeah, let's say let's do it. Let's bring some candela obscura into this. Uh let's come up with a a pub name and a little story around Clyde's caramel cream ale.

Damen 12:33

And uh shout out to Matt. This uh pub has to be in London.

Ross 12:38

Lawn. I'm pretty sure in my notes for the next session, like the first opening sentence is now the group has left Lawn L-O-N-D-O-N.

Damen 12:50

Yes, L-A-W-N. D-A-W-N.

Ross 12:55

We're in this place called London.

Damen 12:58

We're going to the Lawn Don Festival.

Ross 13:02

Okay, pub name. What do we think here, gentlemen?

Damen 13:07

Uh this is at um Mitsi's place. Mitzi's place. Okay. More importantly, there's a murder.

Ross 13:16

There's a murder at Mitsi's place. Yes! Name of the pub, murder at Mitzy's.

Damen 13:20

Oh yeah. And it's in it's got angly bits in the font.

Ross 13:24

It's it's uh it's uh like one of those murder theater places. Ooh, but there's a real murder. But yeah, somebody actually got murdered, like when the dude got stabbed. Actually got stabbed. And there's an investigator.

Brett 13:36

Name Clyde? But the investigator is actually a cat. That wears a top hat and a monocle.

Damen 13:47

He's the theater department's cat. Yes, keeps the mice out of the back.

Ross 13:53

Yes. Yeah.

Damen 13:54

And he's able to he's able to use all of his senses to investigate, you know, heightened sense of smell and other, you know, things. It seems like cats notice things that like don't really seem to be there. They have like a sixth sense anyway.

Brett 14:09

That's their bleed detector. Ooh. Yeah. It's their nose, like then the sniff-siff sniff. That's their bleed detector in candelabs.

Ross 14:20

Or their what phenomenon. Never mind, I'm not gonna go there. That's that's for another time. Uh I really don't want to talk about Bat's penis. So you have to look at it. That's that's an acronym for something. It's fine. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Okay, so murder at Mysties. Misty the proprietor. Did we come up with that? I don't know. Should she be behind the bar? Oh yeah, she's behind the bar.

Damen 14:49

She's gotta be the proprietor.

Ross 14:50

She likes to wear one of those like long flowing red dresses. Big hat. Yep. Very flamboyant type lady.

Damen 14:58

Out outgoing. Do you mean flowing or do you mean roughly?

Ross 15:01

Definitely roughly. Okay, flowing. Flowing is B. Yeah, no, no, no.

Brett 15:06

A lot of layers to that thing. Correct, yes. No, yeah. So she's behind the bar and there was a murder upstairs. I thought the murder was on the stage. Oh, yeah, actor's got it.

Ross 15:17

Yes, that's right.

Damen 15:18

It's like a reverse theater. The stage is up here and the crowd's all down here. It's really hard to see.

Ross 15:24

That's and the cat saw the whole thing because it was up in the rafters the whole time. There's some guy in the back. Get down here, you damn cat.

Damen 15:33

All the seats are half off because they're obscured view. Maybe the stage is the ceiling and they hang from like acrobats?

Ross 15:43

Yes.

Damen 15:44

Ooh. Wow. And the murder was that someone like cut a string. That's why, that's why the cat was up there to play with the string. Who was the cat going for? The investigator is the murderer.

Brett 15:58

And when Clyde, how convenient. And when Clyde, the investigator, went up to the bar, Clyde asked for a beer. And this is what he got. And this is the beer that he got. I love it.

Damen 16:10

And cats like cream?

Brett 16:12

Sure.

Damen 16:13

I love it. I think that fits really well. Wow. Done. A plus.

Brett 16:17

You know, right out of the game.

Damen 16:18

I don't know.

Ross 16:19

I mean, it's kind of like C plus.

Brett 16:21

It's kind of like a red beer or an orange beer where you had like the tomato juice or the orange juice. Cream ale for kits. Kiddies. Kitties for kids. Kitties. Cream ale's for kids I was like, I'm going kittens, and then I'm going kitties.

Ross 16:35

Kits. Linda in the middle. It's the South London accent. Cream ale for the kids. Oh, God. Okay. I love it. I think that was a solid C Boss effort for to open the seasons. Great job, guys. Okay, let's come back to the beer. Uh let's there's a beer? Yeah, you know. Funny thing, isn't it? It's available in London. Let's uh let's rate this on a uh our challenge rating scale, one to 20, uh, one being cream males, domestics, and the like, whereas uh a 20 is gonna be like double, triple IPAs, uh Imperial Stouts, and things toward that end. Um, I really don't know where to start because I do think Damon's Riot, this is 50-50. Um bread.

Damen 17:23

I think it I would just say like I think it's 50-50 in terms of whether or not we like it.

unknown 17:30

Sure.

Ross 17:30

Or enjoy it.

Damen 17:31

Like that I don't think that that's necessarily the same. I don't think that that necessarily correlates to a challenge rating.

Ross 17:38

Fair. Okay. Let's start with you, Damon.

Damen 17:42

Uh I'd like a three, maybe. I don't Okay. Yeah. I don't think it's hard to drink. No. By really any stretch of the imagination. I think it's kind of weird to drink. Fair. But I don't think it's hard to drink. Okay, I feel like I found the acronym. It's the Phenomenon Emitter Notification Instrument System. And I would say I agree. I like a three.

Brett 18:09

Yeah. That's the characters. Yes. For the record. Brad? I'm gonna go a one. Really? Okay. Uh Damon, you make a cream ale, but I think this is easier to drink than even yours. Yeah, probably. Because it's not a big beer. Really. Like, I mean, it is a beer. It's not you could forget it's a beer.

Damen 18:36

Yeah, it tastes like it tastes like sassy like cream ale. It's a soda, yeah.

Brett 18:43

I think this is a very easy approachable beer.

Ross 18:46

Okay. Uh, I'm gonna go with a five, actually. What? Because it's not that it's hard to drink, and for me personally, this is uh less than a one, but a five because of those exact reasons that you just said. It's like somebody somebody who wants a beer is not gonna like this. No, no, no, it's hard for some people to like a beer. If it's not beery enough, like is that what they wanted in the first place? So if you like Core's lice, you're not gonna like this.

Damen 19:19

That's actually probably true.

Ross 19:20

And you're probably not even gonna pick it up off the shelf. So that ticks it up two notches in my book. I think the three is appropriate, but those two things alone uh kick it up a notch.

Damen 19:29

Yeah, but I would still say that like is different than difficulty.

Ross 19:34

Sure, but we've had the like we've had that conversation. We need to define this a little better.

Damen 19:40

This is the this is this is like the uh No, this many seasons in it's too late for definition. We're just winging it.

Ross 19:46

So wing and a prayer. This is like the Council of Nicaea in Christianity. You know, we have to take a moment and like reconvene Noah very, very loosely. And by loose, I mean like non-existent.

Damen 19:59

This is like our library advisory board meeting earlier.

Ross 20:02

This is like using a blowtorch to take a nut off of a bolt. Kind of loose.

Brett 20:13

I was really worried where you were going. I don't really know where it went. I'm lost now. I don't even know what's going on. I believe we were discussing the difference between like and so would we would we buy this one again? Yeah, yeah. Great question. Yay or nay.

Damen 20:34

Uh for the record, yay or nay is would you drink it again if it was put in front of you? Oh, yeah. We have outline.

Ross 20:42

That one is defined. Uh it's a yay for me. Same, yes. What?

Brett 20:46

He would drink it again if someone put it in front of him. Yeah. Oh, that's why he wouldn't buy it. We just defined it. I know, but earlier we were like, I wouldn't buy this again.

Ross 20:54

No, I wouldn't buy it again, but I would drink it if somebody put it in front of me. And there's no other options? Currently.

Damen 21:00

There's never any other option. Oh, okay. It's always like if they gave you a beer and said here, and that was like all they handed you, would you drink it or say no thank you? Yeah, I'd drink it. Begrudgingly. Yeah. Slowly. If I have to. With food. Give me some ice cream in if there's pie.

Brett 21:22

If there's pie, yes. If not, I'm probably passing it to the left.

Damen 21:27

That's a fun game.

Brett 21:29

Pass to the left.

Damen 21:31

We should we should have a green crack where we try four different beers. Blind. And we like pass it around and end up reading all four. Yeah.

Ross 21:40

That's not you thought this is the end of this episode was confusing. Holy crap. Oh, buckle up. Buckle up. Absolutely. Okay. All right, let's get out of here. Uh, that's gonna do it for this episode. Stay tuned for more beer reviews in the future. You can check out our regular show, Bards and Barrels, anywhere podcasts can be found. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok at Bards and Barrels. Until next time. May your dice be hot and your beer be cold.